Dealing
by EternallyEC
Summary: All chapters finally up! Sorry for the delay! Natalie thinks about her royally screwed up life and decides to do something about it...
1. Chapter 1: Heartache and Advice

**Dealing**

**Part 1: Heartache and Advice**

_Hey guys! I was typing this on my laptop last night and I realized how short and… lacking part one of this was, so I revised it. Hope you enjoy this version better! Manda_

_**Disclaimers: I own nothing, but I sure do wish I did, because this would be happening on-screen!**_

_**Summary: Natalie thinks about her royally screwed up life and decides to do something about it…**_

Natalie was sitting alone in her room at Llanfair, hugging a pillow tightly to her chest and sobbing silently. Ever since she had come home from the police station that day, everything seemed to remind her of Cristian and John, the two men she had lost in completely different ways…

There was a knock on her door. Viki, who had noticed something wrong when Natalie had come home, called out, "Honey, may I come in?" Natalie made no effort to hide her tears as she called out, "Of course." Viki entered the room and sighed deeply at the sight of Natalie's face. "Oh, sweetie…" She sat down on the bed, taking Natalie into her arms and just letting her cry for a few minutes as she stroked her hair lovingly.

Natalie pulled back, wiping the tears away. Viki brushed her bangs back from her forehead and asked, "Do you want to talk about it?" Natalie nodded but remained silent, so Viki waited patiently, knowing that the words would come when she was ready.

"It's just—Cristian and I were so happy, you know? Then, in a split second he was ripped away from me, and then, even though I tried my hardest not to, I moved on and fell for John—_hard._" Viki nodded silently and continued listening. "But now he's with Evangeline, and he says that I need to move on. But I don't know how, Mom. How do I put closure on something that never happened and get on with my life?"

Viki reaches out and puts a comforting hand on Natalie's shoulder. "Honey, I don't have an answer to any of your questions, but think about this. You are so much stronger than you know, and you've been lucky enough to have the kind of love with Cristian that so many people spend their lives searching for and never find. Though your time together was short, at least you had it.

"And as for John… If he is not ready to commit to you, why should you keep waiting? Find a way to put closure on this thing with him and until then don't invite contact with him. And, more importantly than anything, make sure that you are true to yourself no matter what course of action you take."

Natalie nodded, contemplating her words. She managed a weak smile as she embraced Viki. "Thank you so much, Mom. I don't know what I would do without you." Viki smiled. "You have that wrong, darling. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come looking for me. I always felt that there was a piece of my heart missing, and you restored it to me. You have helped me so much more than you can ever know."

Natalie blushed. "How is it that you always know the perfect thing to say?" Viki smiled and moved a section Nat's hair behind her shoulder. "I've been so blessed that I have a lot of life experience, as do you. You have the answer to this whole mess inside your heart, you just have to go looking for it." She stood up and walked to the door, stopping briefly to look back at her. "And remember to always make yourself proud before worrying about anything else." She left, and Natalie sat back to think.

TO BE CONTINUED

_So, what did you think of the revision? Click 'review' and let me know! Manda_


	2. Chapter 2: Letting Go

**Part 2: Letting Go**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

_Hey again, guys. In case you haven't noticed by now, I'm pretty much revising this entire story at the moment, so no updates until it's done being revised. But I only have one more chapter after this one, so hopefully I can figure out where Natalie's gonna go and get part 4 written fairly soon, thanks for all the sweet reviews and keep 'em coming please! Manda_

One week later, Natalie, looking much more put together and calm knocked on Bo's office door. "Come on in," he called, so she walked in and closed the door behind her. "Hey, Natalie. What can I help you with?" She bit her lip, not knowing how to tell him her news. "I'm not going to be able to work here for very much longer, but I can stay until you find someone to fill my position." Bo looked at her, sensing that something was going on. "Well, we're going to miss you up here. Why are you leaving?" Her eyes were full of clarity as she looked him straight in the eye. "I'm leaving Llanview in a couple of months and I need some time to decide where I'm going."

Bo stood up and came around the desk to hug her. "When did you make this decision?" "Mom and I were talking last week and she told me I needed to look in my heart for a way to get over John. Well, my decision isn't just based on that. I mean, Llanview holds so many bad memories for me. I lost Cris here, and –well, I never really_ had_ John and yet I feel like I've lost him too." Bo nodded in silent understanding. "So I just need to go somewhere new, you know? Somewhere that can give me a fresh start." Bo held her out at an arm's length and studied her. She laughed nervously. "What?" "I was just wondering when you grew into such a levelheaded mature young woman and why I just now noticed it." She blushed.

"I'm not anywhere near wise, I'm just a survivor… sort of runs in the family you could say," she joked. The phone rang and she picked up the extension on Bo's desk. "Llanview PD." She listened for a moment. "Okay, please hold." She put the caller on hold and turned to Bo. "It's Hayes' attorney, he said it's important." She walked to the door as Bo walked to his desk to take the call. Just before the door shuts behind her, Bo says, "Thank you for everything you've done for this family Natalie." She smiled and let the door click shut.

Two months later, Natalie's replacement, Gracie Garfield, had been hired and trained by Natalie, who was at the station for her last day. "So, if you need anything you have my cell number." Gracie nodded and hugged her. "I'm going to miss you." Natalie returned the embrace and replied, "Oh, I'm always just a phone call away. You call me anytime you need or want to, okay?" Gracie nodded and pulled away as the phone rang. "Will do." "Okay, well I have to go do something and then I have to go, so I'll talk to you later."

Natalie took a deep breath and knocked on John's office door. "Come in." She walked in and shut the door behind her. "John." John looked at her, unable to believe that in less than twenty-four hours she would be out of Llanview—and out of his life—for good. "Natalie, how are you doing?" She moved closer to the desk, making sure it stayed between the two of them. "I'm dealing. I debated with myself whether I should come in here and tell you good-bye since you've made it perfectly clear you have no desire to have anything to do with me, but I knew I had to put closure on 'us,' however little an 'us' there might have been."

John stood up. "Natalie—" "Don't. I know you love Evangeline, and I wish you all the luck in the world with her. Don't screw her over like you did me, John. She won't give you as many chances as I did." She smiled weakly. "I just needed for you to know that I really loved you, McBain—and I still do," she finished quietly, turning to leave.

"Natalie, wait." She paused and said over her shoulder, not trusting herself to turn around, "It's too late for us, John. You missed your shot with me, and you're just gonna have to live with that for the rest of your life. I tried. I didn't let myself be afraid of getting involved with you, and I have no regrets. I know I'll be able to live with all the decisions I made regarding you and be proud of how I handled it. Can you say the same about me?" The stony silence answered her question better than any words could have, and she opened the door. "I didn't think so. Good-bye, John." She shut the door behind her and took a deep breath before squaring her shoulders and walking out of the Llanview Police Department for the last time.

TO BE CONTINUED

_So, what did you think of the revision? Click 'review' and let me know! Manda_


	3. Chapter 3: Fond Farewells

**Part 3: Fond Farewells**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers **

_Okay, so this is the last chapter I have to revise, and then I'm going to start working on chapter 4 again. But don't expect it to be up for a bit because I still have to decide where she's going to move off to… I do have a few ideas, but none of them seem quite right. If you have an idea please put it in your review or email it to me!_

When Natalie reached Llanfair, she was surprised and a little worried to see the house totally dark. With the Killing Club killings still fresh on her mind she entered the house with more than a little trepidation. "Mom?" she called as she walked into the library. Suddenly all the lights came on and the entire Llanview-dwelling clan yelled, "Surprise!"

Natalie was definitely surprised, and incredibly touched. "Oh my gosh, you guys! Who planned this?" Viki and Jessica laughed, looking extremely proud of themselves as they pointed to the other and said simultaneously, "It was all her idea." Natalie laughed and hugged them both. "It doesn't matter, thank you guys so much! This is just what I needed."

After a few people had come up to wish her luck, Todd walked over to Natalie. "Hey, I know you know I never liked you—and I still don't—but I just came to say I hope you have fun making a new start in a town far, far away from here." He walked over to the snack table and Natalie blinked. "Uh, thanks?" She and Jessica laughed. "Don't let Todd get to you." She shrugged. "I never do."

Blair was the next to come up to her. "I'm sorry about what Todd said. I hope you have a good time getting away from this town. It's really nothing but trouble." Natalie smiled. "Then why do you stay?" Blair sighed and looked over at Todd, who was currently impressing Starr and Jack by putting straws in his nose and doing his walrus impersonation. "Todd doesn't want to move away from his family, and I love him." Natalie giggled. "Good luck with that." Blair laughed right along with her, "Thank you, I think I'll need it." She hugged Nat and walked over to Todd.

Half an hour later, Natalie was eating a piece of cake while sitting at the table with Jessica, Viki, Roxanne, Starr, and Kelly. "You squirted shampoo into his eyes?" "Well I didn't know it was him, I just knew somebody was getting into the shower with me. What would you have done?" Jessica looked at Starr. "Okay, I think this conversation is getting a little too adult for you, Starr." She looked at Jessica. "You've got to be kidding me." Starr stalked off.

Suddenly, Natalie's eyes widened and she stood up. "Ex—excuse me." She walked quickly out of the library doors. "What are you doing here?" John stopped dead in his tracks where he had been trying to slip away unnoticed and turned around. "I was coming to clear some things up with you. Didn't know there was a party going on tonight." She folded her arms across her chest, determined not to let him get to her. "It's my last night in Llanview, some people actually care that I'm leaving town and wanted to tell me good-bye. And I think we've said all we need to say to one another." She turned to walk back into the house.

"Natalie, wait." She stopped and looked at him over her shoulder. "This had better be damn important, John." He looked at her seriously. "It is." She waited, but he said nothing. "Well?" she asked, impatient. He walked over, took her into his arms and kissed her passionately. She returned his kiss for a moment, unable to stop herself.

Then Viki's words entered her mind again: _"And as for John… If he is not ready to commit to you, why should you keep waiting? Find a way to put closure on this thing with him and until then don't invite contact with him. And, more importantly than anything, make sure that you are true to yourself no matter what course of action you take."_

She broke away, glaring at him. "No, I'm not gonna let you do this to me again, John. I _can't _keep disappointing myself because of you. Do you have anything to say to me?" Her eyes held the faintest trace of hope but it slowly faded as he remained silent and stared at the ground.

"I didn't think so. I mean, I had hoped, but—" She shook the thoughts away and gave him one last look. "Good-bye, John," she whispered, walking back into the house. John broke down, knowing that he had lost his last chance. He'd never felt worse in his life, while Natalie had never been prouder of herself.

TO BE CONTINUED

_So, what did you think of the revision? Click 'review' and let me know! And don't forget to give me an idea for where she can move to if you really want an update. Manda_


	4. Chapter 4: Spreading Her Wings

**Dealing**

**Part 4: Spreading Her Wings**

**See part 1 for disclaimers**

_Well guys, I just keep suprising myself! I never thought I'd be able to make it to part four without revealing where she's moving, but I've done it! Unfortunately, she has to actually arrive somewhere in the next part, so the decision about her final destination must be made quickly if you want an update... So PLEASE! Review or email me with your ideas and opinions. You guys are the best readers a writer could ever ask for… Thank you! Manda_

Natalie awake the next morning with a deep sadness in her heart as she lay in bed listening to the sounds of Llanfair. She couldn't believe that in less than three hours she would be on a plane out of Llanview and on her way to a new life. As she stretched, her phone rang, so she answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Natalie!" Natalie frowned as her still waking up mind tried to place the unfamiliar male voice. "You don't know who this is, do you?" His tone held an undertone of laughter. "Nope, sorry. I just woke up." "It's Joey. I just heard that you're leaving Llanview, so I just wanted to call and wish you luck." She laughed. "Thank you. I can't believe I didn't recognize your voice!" "Well, it's not like we've talked very much, which is something I really regret." She agreed.

She looked around her room. "Well, want to know a secret?" "Sure!" "I'm feeling homesick already," she confided. "I know what you mean, but it'll get better once you're settled in your new place. Natalie sighed. "I hope you're right." "I always am." "Oh oh oh, _somebody _is sure of himself," she giggled.

Half an hour later, Natalie reluctantly got off the phone so that she could go shower and start loading the car up. Right after she was dressed, someone knocked on her bedroom door. "Come in." Much to her surprise, Michael McBain entered her room. "Hey," she said. "I just wanted to come say good-bye. I was supposed to be at the party last night, but I got called in to work, so Jess told me to come by today." He shrugged, and Natalie smiled, touched despite herself.

"That was very sweet of you, thanks. So, I was about to load up the car, would you like to help?" "Of course." Over the next hour they loaded up the car, talking all the while, and they were sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and having french fries (with mustard of course) when Viki walked in.

"Oh, hello." Michael smiled at her, not knowing he had a drop of mustard on his upper lip. "Hello, Mrs. Davidson. How are you doing?" "Well, I haven't had another heart attack yet." She laughed, and Natalie gave her an admonishing look. "Mom, don't joke like that around me. You promised you wouldn't." "Of course, darling. I'm sorry. Well, I am going to go wake Jessie up so that she can get ready." Viki walked out of the room.

Michael turned to look at Natalie and she giggled. "What?" "You have some mustard—" She gestured to his lip, and he tried to wipe it away, completely missing the spot. "Oh, give me that napkin!" She grabbed it and wiped the mustard off. Her movements became slower as she realized that her bare hand was grazing his cheek. Their eyes locked as she dropped the napkin and withdrew her hand.

"I—I probably should go make sure I didn't leave anything," she whispered, standing and quickly exiting the room. Michael stared after her and placed his hand where hers had been only moments before. "I really screwed up this time," he said aloud. "Falling for a girl who's leaving town is never a good thing." "No, it's not." He jumped, startled as Viki walked into the kitchen. "But maybe it's the best thing for you… and for her." She smiled at him, and he smiled back.

"I don't understand, Mrs. Davidson. What are you trying to tell me?" "Just let her go spread her wings, and when she returns she will most likely be ready to face her feelings for you." Michael looked totally confused. "She has feelings for me?" "She hasn't said anything to me, but I saw the way you two were looking at each other just now. There is something there, but this is not the correct time to find out what."

"I know. I mean, she's trying to get over John right now, and she needs her space." Viki smiled at him as she nodded. "Exactly. She went from Cristian to John, so I think what she really needs is some time to be by herself. But when she's ready, I can't think of anyone I'd rather see her with than you."

Michael opened his mouth to reply, but then Jessica and Natalie entered the room. He and Viki exchanged a glance of silent understanding, and then he allowed himself to be drawn into the girls' idle chatter until Viki announced it was time to leave.

At the airport, Natalie was filled with fear and sadness, but more than anything she felt a strong hope within her as she boarded the plane. Her face was tearstained from the emotional good-byes everyone had given her. Several people had shown up to see her off, which had rather surprised her. She had always thought that no one in Llanview really cared for her and that most of them would be glad to see her leave, but almost everyone she had had contact with since becoming a Buchanan were there, with the exception of Todd… and of course, John.

She took the window seat and stared out as the plane taxied down the runway, carrying her to the start of a new life. Her destination was clear, but her destiny? That was a bigger puzzle than she ever thought she'd be able to solve…

TO BE CONTINUED 


	5. Chapter 5: Disaster Strikes

**Part 5: Disaster Strikes**

**See part 1 for disclaimers**

_Hey guys, you know that old adage, 'write what you know'? Well, that's where I got the idea for where she was gonna move to and the college. It's where I live and my hometown! ;) I needed somewhere that I knew fairly well so that I can have her do things, and let's face it I'm much too lazy to do research._

_And I honestly don't know where this part came from, please forgive me! It's 12:52 AM and I was just typing away and this is what came out… --guilty look—Please forgive me, Natty, but it had to happen!_

_Well, until next time guys, please review! Manda_

Six months after arriving in Mesquite, Texas, Natalie had settled in very well. She had begun going to Eastfield college and had a small circle of friends whom she hung out with every weekend. She talked to her family and friends in Llanview constantly, mostly through the Internet. Everyone she talked to made sure to avoid any mention of the McBain brothers, and she really appreciated it.

But classes were over for Christmas break, and she was packing to go home for a week or two. She had to admit she was ready to go home and see everyone, she loved Mesquite but nobody could replace her family, not even the closest friends she had. As she closed the suitcase and locked it, she heard the front door open. She frowned, trying to remember if she had locked it and began to walk slowly towards the living room. "Hello?" she called cautiously, grabbing the can of mace out of her pocket, where she had always kept one since the Killing Club Killer experience.

As she walked into the living room, she saw the man. He was wearing black pants with a white shirt and a black facemask, but most frighteningly he held a gun that he now pointed at her. "Drop the mace." She did so, holding her hands out. "Take whatever you want, I won't stop you." He leered at her. "Whatever I want?" Her face paled as she realized his intentions and she whispered, "Oh god, please not that." She whimpered as she saw his smirk turn into a grin and tears began to roll down her face.

Thirty minutes later Natalie lay on the bed, her face in the pillows. He had told her to stay like that until she had counted to a hundred. She was on thirteen when she heard the door slam shut. She stayed down until she'd counted to twenty, then jumped up and ran to the phone, calling the police as she dressed. Sobbing, she told them what had just happened and ran to the window just in time to see the car pull away, but it was too far to make out the license plate.

Back in Llanview, John was listening to the scanner when he heard about a young woman in her early twenties who had been raped just an hour before. He shook his head, then frowned as he heard the location and physical description of the victim. Surely it couldn't be…?

Just then, his office door slammed open and Bo was standing there. "Viki just called. Natalie was raped today, so I'm flying out there with her and Jess. I'm leaving you in charge." John was on his feet within seconds of the news. "I'm going with you, Bo." Bo looked at him. "You know that wouldn't do anyone any good. You'll do the most good here, handling all the cases that need to be solved and you know it." John slowly nodded.

"You're right. If you think it'll help, tell her that I'm going to make it my personal mission to find the bastard who did this to her." Bo nodded. "I think that goes without saying for both of us." He walked out and John sat back down, thinking hard.

When Natalie finally got to leave the police station the sun had gone down and the night air was cold on her bare skin. She shivered as she got into her car, locking the door immediately. She was all right on the drive home, but as soon as she opened the door of her apartment memories of assault immediately overwhelmed her and she dropped to the ground, sobbing hard.

As soon as she had regained control of herself she grabbed the suitcase she had been packing, called her closest friend in Mesquite, and drove herself over there. Once she had told Michelle everything that had happened and cried herself out, she called Viki's cell and told her Michelle's address so that she and Bo could come over once their plane landed. Then she went into the guestroom and lay down, keeping a light on. She didn't sleep a wink that night.

TO BE CONTINUED


	6. Chapter 6: Recovering

**Part 6: Recovering**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

_Okay, so I really should be in bed right now, but when I get on a writing roll like this I just have to keep going! This story is currently being written under the influence of no caffeine and LOTS of country music. Well, hope you enjoy the chapter and don't forget to REVIEW! You cannot imagine the huge silly grin I get on my face whenever I get one of those "Review Alert" emails, so why not be the one to make me smile? Just take a minute of your time and hit that button that says, "review." You don't even have to log in! How much easier could it be?_

_Oh, and I should probably mention that this chapter is from Natalie's point of view… It's probably going to be kind of short; it's just her thoughts the night before Viki and the crew show up. WILL be depressing! Suddenly I'm grateful I put this under 'angst'…_

_One last note, the poem IS mine, so please don't use it anywhere without my express consent. _

_Thanks for reading & reviewing, and until next time… Manda_

When I was ten, Roxy's boyfriend used to look at me in a way that scared the hell out of me. I used to lay in my room at night and imagine that at any moment he was going to come into my bedroom. The darkness was always suffocating to me, but Roxy wouldn't even allow me a night-light. Her electric bill was always more than we could afford without having a light on all night, she would tell me even while she smoked and drank her meager earnings from her dead-end job away.

In my worst nightmares I have never again experienced that terror I would feel as I lay shivering underneath my blankets in that terrifying blackness… until today, that is. When I realized what he wanted to do to me, I was thrown back into that childlike fear and I couldn't think straight, couldn't do anything to stop him… I didn't even try to fight. What kind of person doesn't try to fight off her rapist, just lies there and lets him have his way?

What will Michael think of me now, I wonder? Will he look at me in disgust or with pity? Either way, I know now that we'll never be able to be together. I can't let myself get involved with someone as good as him, I'm damaged goods now.

No, I can't blame myself. It's not my fault, I know that in my mind, but in my heart I feel like it is. Oh god, how am I supposed to get past this when every time I close my eyes I feel like he's standing right by the bed, and I can _see_ him in my mind leaning over to pull the sheets back…

My body shakes as I begin to sob again, haunted by the memory of him and the picture of Jessica. It had been after he had dressed, just before he told me to begin counting. He had turned to leave, then picked up the picture and said, "Nice picture. You call the cops before you count to a hundred and I'll find her. I have your address in Llanview, so it won't be hard."

I begin to pray desperately. _God, if you're real, please protect Jessica from that maniac. I never want anyone to know this kind of pain, but especially not her. And please help me to deal with this pain, Lord. I know I have to face it, but it's so hard… What am I supposed to do when Mom and the others get here tomorrow? God, just show me what to do please._

But what hurts the most is that no matter how I try, I can't get rid of the niggling feeling that I'm forgetting something important about him, something that would lead the police straight to the bastard. Why won't my brain work? The harder I try to think of it, the further everything seems to retreat…

I sigh and sit up in bed, knowing by now I was getting no sleep. I grab some paper and a pen, feeling the urge to write. Growing up with Roxy, I would always write whenever I needed to get away from the memory of something particularly awful she'd done, and the habit had never fully gone away. I opened my notebook to a blank page and the tears poured forth with the words.

_I'm terrified_

_You ripped me in two_

_When you violated my body_

_You violated my mind_

_You took by force_

_What I save for love_

_Why did you do this_

_Why me, why anyone?_

_I lie awake in bed_

_Afraid to sleep_

_Afraid to stay awake_

_Caught in this nightmare world_

_There's no escape_

_I'm trapped here_

_You put me here_

_And now I can't get out_

I drop the pen, unable to continue and curl into the fetal position as I sob harder than ever before.

TO BE CONTINUED


	7. Chapter 7: You Can't Help

**Part 7: "You Can't Help"**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

_Okay, so I finally finished this chapter in the car on my way home. I think I need to change the title of the chapter now, but I'll probably just leave it. I really like the way this turned out, hope you guys do too!_

_And many thanks to Nala for all her sweet reviews. You always make my day. Manda_

A month had passed since Natalie had come home from Mesquite, and she spent her days avoiding everyone but her immediate family, moping around Llanfair and going to therapy. Then one day, her therapist had had the idea that she should talk to Todd. Natalie had been against it, but Dr. Jackson had insisted that it would help her, so she had gone over to Todd's house one Saturday.

After sitting through several moments of uncomfortable silence, Natalie had finally spoken, her voice trembling. "Why did you rape Marty? Why would anyone ever want to do something like that?" Todd had sighed and looked away, then back at her. "I was a young, stupid kid when I did that. God only knows what I really hoped to accomplish that evening, but I do know that it was one of the worst nights of my life." Natalie's eyes glinted with tears. "Don't tell me to feel sorry for that bastard."

He held up his hand. "Hey, I'm not saying that. Hate him. He deserves it, hell he deserves the entire Buchanan/Manning posse torturing his ass for the rest of eternity." Natalie smiled just a little. "Aha, knew I'd get one out of ya."

Turning serious again, Todd continued, "So you want to know why? The only reason I can give you is for power. Once I had raped Marty I had power over her, she was terrified of me. I loved that so much that it almost led me to rape someone else." He looked at her. "Don't let him have that control over your life, or you'll have given him exactly what he was craving."

From that moment on, Natalie was determined to get her life back. She and Todd had become very close, and she was almost able to forgive him for giving her to Mitch Laurence. Almost, but not quite. But there were still moments when she would think she caught a glimpse of her rapist, and it was always just when she was feeling the safest.

She had managed to almost completely avoid John and Michael since her return, but three months after she'd come home; Michael came by Llanfair and refused to leave until she saw him. They went into the living room and she closed the door behind them, not wanting anyone to overhear their conversation. She sat on the couch, hands clasped firmly. He sat opposite her, knowing from her demeanor that he would only hurt his cause if he tried to sit next to her.

"So how have you been?" he ventured. "Well, I've certainly been better, but Dr. Jackson says I'm almost emotionally ready to return to Mesquite." Michael felt a whirl of emotions arise in him at these words; he didn't want her to go back, for two reasons: he didn't want her to be in danger again, and he didn't want to see her leave already when he'd just gotten to see her. "Well I'm glad your therapy is going that well."

Natalie nodded and remained silent. "You know, if you ever need somebody close to talk to, I'm here for you." She smiled sadly. "Thank you, but you can't help. Nobody can imagine what it's like unless they've been through it." Michael nodded in silent agreement. "I understand that, but I'm still here to talk if you ever need me." She looked him straight in the eye and smiled, her first real smile since the rape. "Thank you. You don't know how much that means to me."

Michael moved to sit beside her, careful to avoid touching her. If they were going to touch, she would have to be the one to initiate it. "I really care about you, Natalie. I know you don't want to hear that right now, but I do. And whenever you feel ready, I'll be here for you." He smiled at her, and she began to cry, leaning into him for comfort. As he wrapped his arms around her she asked, "How can you still care about me so much?" He kissed the top of her head, tightened his embrace and replied, "You're still the same person you were before, Natalie. The rape didn't change anything, not even how I feel about you."

They stayed like that for a while, then Natalie pulled back, wiping her tears away. "Thank you so much. I really needed to hear that." He put a gentle finger underneath her chin and made her gaze meet his. "I meant every word, Natalie." His eyes were bright with unshed tears. "I know you did," she whispered, then leaned up and kissed him softly, wrapping her arms around his neck. She didn't know what was going to happen to her, but she knew that she wanted Michael to be a big part of whatever did.

TO BE CONTINUED


	8. Chapter 8: New Developments

**Part 8: New Developments**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

_Okay, so it's a cliffhanger ending! Heehee, I love it when I'm giving cliffhangers, but not when I'm getting them, lol. ;) I have to keep you in suspense for a little bit. I really love you guys, please review! Manda _

Less than a month after Michael and Natalie's first kiss, things had already begun improving for her. She had gotten a temporary job at Carlotta's diner, and she went out regularly with Michael. On her bad days he was always there to comfort her, and on her good days he was always there too.

But there was one thing that had Natalie truly worried, and she was terrified to tell anyone, even Michael. She was late; _really_ late, and she'd woken up for the last week throwing up. She was terrified to go to a doctor or even get one of those tests, because she was sure they would confirm what she knew was true: she was pregnant with her rapist's child.

Natalie knew she would have to find out for sure eventually, but for now she was intent on enjoying every moment she had with Michael. She knew that he wouldn't want to stay with a woman carrying another man's child, but she refused to even think about the alternative. That had always seemed to her to be the worst crime anyone could commit, and she could never understand how a woman could kill her own child, no matter what the circumstances of the baby's conception, and she still held onto that even now.

Finally, two weeks after she'd begun having morning sickness she went to her gynecologist, who did some tests and told her they'd call her with the results as soon as they came in. That night, she dressed as unflatteringly as she could, putting on her oldest pair of faded blue jeans and a hideous pink shirt that looked horrible with her hair. She knew the truth deep in her heart, and she knew that she couldn't let Michael feel obligated into staying with her.

When he arrived that night he said nothing about her attire. He just kissed her and said that she looked gorgeous. She smiled weakly and led him to the library, making sure to sit across from him. "Michael, I can't see you anymore." His happy grin slowly faded. "What?" She bit her lip and stared down at her hands as she repeated, "I can't see you anymore. I'm sorry, but I can't be with you."

He moved to her side and took her hands into his, lifting her chin so that she had to meet his gaze. "I know you don't mean that. What brought this on? You know you can tell me anything. I love you, Natalie. I thought you knew that." The tears she had been holding back began to fall freely as she pulled her hands back.

"Please, just go. I can't do this…" She stood and ran from the room, but he followed her, catching her in the foyer. He turned her around to face him and kissed her forehead. "Hey, something is wrong. I thought you trusted me enough to know that you never have to hold anything back." She looked up at the heavens for guidance, tears still streaming.

"I do trust you, Michael. God help me, I love you too." Michael's heart jumped, but plunged at her next words. "That's exactly why I have to let you go," she whispered, turning to walk away. He grabbed her arm and she jerked it away, screaming, "Just go!" Stunned, he dropped her arm and watched, disbelieving, as she ran up the stairs. He slowly walked out the front door, fighting back tears. He would cry those when he got back home.

Upstairs, Natalie sobbed harder than she ever had before in her life. She was lying on her back, hands held protectively on her stomach. "I'm so sorry, baby. He would have been a great daddy, but I couldn't do that to him. I would have always wondered if he felt 'trapped' into being with us…" Just then, her phone rang. She answered it, and got the shock of her life…

TO BE CONTINUED


	9. Chapter 9: Aftershock

**Part 9: Aftershock**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

_Okay, so maybe I should mention for those of you who might be wondering, this story takes place shortly after Nat's return from the hospital, where she currently is on the show, but Cristian is not alive._

_One of my bestest friends wrote a paragraph of this because I was stuck; it's the one in bold. Be sure to check out her account atwww (dot) fanfiction (dot) netNotUrGirlGo read and review her story today! _

_Now that I have that cleared up, here's the story. Please review! Manda_

"Natalie Vega?" Natalie gasped in recognition at the voice on the other end of the line. "Cristian?" He cleared his throat. "No, no. This is me, the man who ruined your life." She sighed deeply. "The imposter?" "Is that what I'm known as in Llanview? I can't say I'm surprised. My name is Travis Randall, in case you're interested."

"I'm really not. Why are you calling?" Travis sighed; he'd known that this wasn't going to be easy but he hadn't realized just how hard Natalie would make it. "I just wanted to call and apologize for putting you through so much hell." Natalie laughed bitterly and replied in an icy tone, "Trust me, I've been through so much more now."

"But thank you for calling and apologizing for making me believe that my husband was alive and then making me go through the agony of 'losing' him once again. Thank you; it really means a lot." She slammed the phone down and tried to cry, but she had run out of tears, so instead she lay there staring at the ceiling, trying to think of nothing at all.

The next day, the gynecologist called her back and gave her the news she'd been expecting. She thanked her hollowly and went downstairs to talk to Viki, who was in the kitchen making tea. "Hello, baby." She hugged Natalie tightly, having heard the end of the conversation between her and Michael the night before.

"Mom? I have some news… I don't know if it's good or bad, I think it's somewhere in the middle." Viki held her out at an arm's length and studied her face carefully. "Does this have anything to do with what happened with Michael last night?" Natalie winced at the memory. "You heard that, huh?" Viki nodded and waited for her to explain. "Yes, it has everything to do with that." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Mom, I'm pregnant." Viki gasped sharply. "Oh, honey…" Natalie's face crumpled and she fell into Viki's arms, and they sobbed together. "Sweetie, how long have you known?" "For about a month now, but I just found out for certain. Mom, what the hell am I supposed to do?" Viki held her tightly and protectively, her voice breaking as she replied, "I don' know, honey. I don't know…"

Two months later, Natalie had decided against going back to Mesquite but had not felt comfortable staying in Llanview either; not in such close proximity to Michael. So she had flown to London to spend the months until the baby was born with her father and brother. Her family had promised not to tell either of the McBains that she was pregnant until she returned with the baby.

**Nine months had passed Clint and Natalie were sitting on the couch. She had her head resting on his lap he stroked her hair. "How are you feeling sweetheart?" She frowned, "My back hurts, my feet are swollen, and it's burning up in here." "Aww, let's see what we can do about that." Clint got up and placed a pillow under her head. He placed another under her feet he turned up the air conditioner up some more and added another coat to his layer of clothing. "Better?" She smiled, "Much better. Thanks Dad." He smiled, "Anything for my baby girl. What else can I get you?" She smiled sweetly loving the attention, "If it's not too much trouble may I have a drink of water?" Clint smiled, "Soaking up the attention are we?" She laughed, "Don't you know it." He kissed her on the forehead. "One glass of water coming up." He walked away and she reached for the remote to the TV, but it was to far she stood up to get the remote she suddenly felt a sharp pain she knocked over a vase trying to sit back down." Clint shouted, "Natalie are you okay!" He ran in the room. "What's wrong?" She looked up at him with her hand on her stomach, "I think the baby's coming." "Now?" "Soon." Clint looked around lost, "What do I do?" Natalie shook her head, "Call the hospital tell the doctor we're on the way. I'll get my bag." He ran around frantic, "Right the doctor. What's his name? Never mind I'll find it." He dialed the phone. "Dr. Richman she's going into labor! She's in labor! Natalie is! Yes. How far apart are the contractions? Uh, I don't know. Natalie!" **

"Yeah?" She grimaced with pain as another contraction came. "How far apart are the contractions?" "Five minutes!" "Five minutes!" he shouted into the phone. "Is that a good thing?" "Five minutes apart? That's not good; that means you need to get her to the hospital now or you're going to be delivering that baby yourself." Clint's eyes widened and he hung up the phone.

"Come on girl, we've got to get you to the hospital!" He grabbed her bag, which they'd moved to sit by the front door since she'd entered her final month, and helped her out the door. "Remember your breathing!" He demonstrated and she had to laugh at his comical expression. "What are you laughing at?" She shook her head and clutched her stomach in pain as another contraction came.

TO BE CONTINUED 


	10. Chapter 10: The Delivery

**Part 10: The Delivery**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

Clint and Natalie walked back into the house with Clint cussing out his car which had refused to start. "Stupid foreign piece of crap!" Natalie would have been amused if the situation had been any less serious, but instead she was freaking out, though she tried not to show it. "Dad, they're only two minutes apart now!" Her voice betrayed her panic, and he was at her side in a second, guiding her to sit in a chair.

Just then, Joey walked in and Clint was at him in a second. "Where is your car? I need your car now!" Joey held up his hands. "My car's in the shop; I just got a ride home with a friend. Why? What's wrong?" "Damn foreign jobs! From now on we buy American!" Clint's face was red and a vein was popping out in his forehead. "Dad, what's going on?"

"I am about to have this freaking baby, _that's _what's going on!" Natalie screamed, having been driven to the edge by all the screaming. "And I don't really want my father or brother delivering it, but apparently we have no choice in the matter, so get over here and help me!" They looked at each other. "She was talking to you," they said simultaneously. Natalie screamed in frustration, and they both rushed to her side.

"Where are the servants, anyway? I know for a fact Tabitha said she'd had a baby and would help me anytime I needed it." "I kind of gave them the day off today." Natalie groaned. "Great idea, Dad." She scowled at him. "I'm sorry!" He sounded so apologetic that Natalie immediately felt bad. "I'm sorry Dad; hormones, ya know?" He smiled and kissed her forehead as he picked her up and carried her into her bedroom, lying her on her bed.

"Come on Joey, looks like we're delivering this baby ourselves." He swallows hard, terrified. "I'm suddenly glad I had to deliver that baby back in '83." Natalie and Joey both said, "What?" He shook his head. "You'll never hear it from me, but let's just say I've had a little birthing experience." Natalie looked the tiniest bit relieved that someone there knew what they were doing.

Thirty minutes later, Natalie was about to have the baby and Joey was freaking out. "It's okay; it's gonna be okay!" He'd been doing that for the last fifteen minutes, and Natalie had had enough, so she yelled, "How would you know that? When was the last time you had a baby? You men suck, you're all such big babies!" She paused to breathe, and Joey sputtered. "What'd I do to you?" "Oh, what'd you ever do _for _me?" His mouth fell open. "Oh, great time to bring that up!"

"Stop the bickering, you two! This baby is about to be born and I need all of your attention on bringing him into the world, okay Natalie?" Natalie nodded. "Now, when I tell you to I need you to push with everything you've got in you, okay baby? Now!" Natalie pushed as hard as she could, screaming in pain, and then a baby's plaintive wail filled the room.

Clint cleaned the baby and handed him to Natalie, smiling widely. "Here's your son, sweetie. You done good, honey," he said, kissing her forehead. "You done good." She smiled and looked down on her son's scrunched up face, laughing at how loudly he was crying. "He has the Buchanan lungs, that's for sure," Joey said, brushing her hair out of her face. She smiled softly and kissed the baby's forehead.

Natalie kissed Clint's cheek. "Thank you, Dad. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here." "No thanks needed. So, what are you going to name him?" Natalie smiled softly. She had spent months trying to come up with a name, but nothing had ever seemed to fit. Suddenly though, she knew just what she wanted to name him. "Shane Michael Buchanan," she said quietly, trying it out. "Sounds great, doesn't it?"

Clint smiled and kissed the top of her head. "It really does."

TO BE CONTINUED


	11. Chapter 11: Coming Home

**Part 11: Coming Home**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

_Okay, I'm now on a writing spree apparently. This is the third chapter I've written in less than 10 hours. :D lol Anyways, I actually kind of like this chapter, especially the ending. Although it does screw up my idea for having an alternate ending, I still think it works. Let me know what you guys think! Manda_

At the airport, Clint embraced Natalie tightly as Joey held the now three-month old Shane. "I'm going to miss you so much," he said. "I'm going to miss you too, Dad. Thanks so much for everything." He kissed her forehead, then released her and took Shane so that she and Joey could say good-bye. She smiled weakly at him. "Hey, it was really nice to spend some time with you." "It was great to get to really know you, sis." They hugged tightly, and then her flight was called. "Well, I guess we'd better get going." She took Shane and blinked back tears as she kissed the both of them on the cheek one last time before going to board the plane.

Back in Llanview, Viki and the rest of the Buchanans headed out to the airport to meet Natalie's plane. Michael had overheard the plans for her return, so he was already at the airport with flowers and chocolates when Viki walked in. She smiled when she saw him. "How did you know?" "I overheard you telling Dr. Miller the other day at the hospital. I have to see, Mrs. Davidson. I have to let her know that no matter how hard she tries to push me away I'll never stop loving her." She laughed. "We'll just see about that."

As Natalie walked out of the boarding gate, the first person she saw was Viki; who immediately ran to hug her and take the baby. "Give me my grandson," she said laughing. "There's a young man who really wants to speak to you." She walked away, exclaiming over how perfect Shane was, and Natalie slowly walked over to Michael. "Hey." Michael looked extremely confused as he looked from Shane to Natalie; all of a sudden everything fell into place for him.

"So that's why you were pushing me away." Natalie bit her lip and nodded. "I didn't want you to feel trapped into staying while I had my rapist's child." Michael pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead fiercely. "Trust me, nothing you could ever do would make me feel trapped. I love you, Natalie Buchanan; and if you have a child, then I'll love that baby just as much." He kissed her passionately, and she returned the kiss as Viki looked on, smiling widely.

"So, would you like to meet my son?" Michael smiled. "Of course I would." Natalie led him over to Viki. "Mom, Michael; meet Shane Michael Buchanan." Michael grinned as he heard his namesake, and Viki carefully handed him the baby. He gazed down in awe on the baby's perfect features, and just then Shane opened his gorgeous baby blue eyes and his face scrunched up in a perfect little yawn. Michael instantly fell in love and tears filled his eyes at the utter perfection of the moment.

"He's so perfect," he whispered. Natalie wrapped her arm around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder, smiling softly. "I know. I still can't believe how perfect he is myself." She leaned in to kiss Shane's tiny forehead, then took him back from Michael. "Okay, we'd better go get my luggage and get us home, don't you think?"

A week later, everyone in Llanview except John had been to see the baby. John was still searching frantically for Natalie's rapist, but to no avail. Bo had told Natalie during one of his numerous daily visits (which she suspected were more to see Shane than her) that she should take Shane to meet him and possibly take his mind off the case for a while. "It's always good for a cop to come at things with a clear mind, which he hadn't been letting himself do." Natalie had nodded and promised she would think about it.

As she walked into the police station, all of the officers who remembered her were at her side in an instant, exclaiming over how good she looked and how handsome Shane was. It took her ten minutes to get done accepting their compliments and finally make it to John's office, where she knocked on the door. "Come in." She opened the door. "Natalie." John stood to his feet and quickly came around the desk, embracing her tightly. "I haven't seen you in… god, it must be a year now. How are you?" She smiled. "Well, I can't complain with this little miracle I've been given."

"John, I'd like you to meet Shane Michael Buchanan." Natalie handed John the baby, and he looked down at him silently. "He's a handsome little guy," he said finally, handing Shane back to Natalie, who took him back with more than a little relief. "John? What's wrong?" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You expect me to be happy that you had that bastard's baby? I'm sorry Natalie, but I can't pretend that." Her eyes filled with tears as she held Shane protectively to her.

"You don't know the first thing about love, do you McBain? Shane is not responsible for what his father did to me, and he doesn't deserve to be punished for how he was conceived. All that matters is that he is my son, and I love him more with every breath he takes. I thought that you would understand, but I guess I was wrong to come here." She stalked out of the office, tears streaming angrily.

TO BE CONTINUED


	12. Chapter 12: Of Course I Will

**Part 12: "Of Course I Will"**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

_Okay, so this is now 4 chapters in less than 10 hours lol. Dang I'm good. :P Anyways, this is just a short, sweet Nikey chapter that I am now in love with. Enjoy! Manda_

When Shane was five months old, Natalie had finally agreed to leave him with Viki and go out with Michael. She had lost all of her baby weight thanks to a strict diet and lots of exercise, and now as she was getting ready for her date she was very grateful she had. Michael had promised her that they could go anywhere she wanted, and she had chosen a simple date at the diner, where they'd had their first real conversation. She was wearing her nicest pair of blue jeans with her prettiest pink shirt, and her hair was pulled back in a simple yet beautiful ponytail.

"Do I look okay?" she asked Viki. "Darling, for the hundredth time, you look beautiful. Michael's not going to know what hit him." Natalie flushed with pleasure, and Viki held Shane up. "What do you think? Doesn't Mommy look gorgeous?" Shane gurgled in what sounded like approval, and Natalie giggled, kissing his forehead. "Aww, he's such a little charmer." Just then, the doorbell rang and Natalie ran to answer it. "Hey, Michael."

"Hey, Nat." He hugged her, kissing her cheek. "You look beautiful, as always." She laughed and kissed his cheek in return, loving the attention as usual. "You look especially handsome tonight, Michael. Now let me just get my purse and say good-bye to Shane." She walked into the library and grabbed her purse, kissing Shane on the forehead. "Now Mom, remember—" "Bed by nine, no milk an hour before," Viki recited, smirking. Natalie laughed. "Have I become the kind of overprotective mother I couldn't stand when baby-sitting?" "Not at all, darling. Now go and have a good time."

At the diner, Carlotta pulled Natalie aside for a moment. "I just wanted to let you know that I approve of your relationship with Michael, _mija_," she said, kissing Natalie's forehead. "And I really think Cristian would too." Natalie smiled, her eyes filling with tears of happiness. "Thank you; that means a lot to me." They embraced, and then she returned to her date.

After they left the diner, they went to the quarry to have a little time to themselves. As they sat under the stars, Natalie lying down with her head in Michael's lap as he played with her hair, he said, "I have to ask you a question." "Anything." He pulled a ring box out of his shirt pocket and opened it to reveal a gorgeous princess-cut diamond ring. "Will you marry me?" Natalie sat up with a gasp and took the box, looking at the ring in awe as her eyes filled with tears. "Of course I will!" She threw herself into his arms and kissed him passionately as she put the ring on.

TO BE CONTINUED


	13. Chapter 13: Remembering

**Part 13: Remembering**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

_This was a rather hard chapter to write, but I got it done! I don't know when I'm going to write part 14 because I have no clue what's going to happen in it at the moment. But I promise to get it up as soon as possible. Thanks for being such wonderful readers, hope you like the chapter! Manda_

A year had passed since the proposal, and Natalie and Michael were now happily married, living in a cozy three-bedroom house that was ten minutes away from Llanfair. Shane was a year-and-a-half year old now, and talking up a storm. His first word had been "Mama", a fact that pleased Natalie to no end, as you might imagine. Michael was still working at the hospital, and Natalie had finished getting her college degree and now worked from home so that she could be with Shane.

It was a bright summer day when she saw the news story that would forever change her life. She had been planning to take Shane to the park after finishing her work for the day, but something had told her to watch the news first, so he was in his room playing while she did that. The first half of the news was nothing new, and she'd almost convinced herself to turn off the TV and just go to the park when the story she'd been unconsciously waiting for came on.

"This new drug has been proven time and time again to help rape victims remember every detail about their rape, which does cause them emotional pain, but at the same time it not only helps them heal but can also help them find their rapist." As the woman's voice droned on in the background, Natalie froze, her mind flashing back to that terrible moment she had re-lived so many times. Suddenly she knew that she had to find out more about this drug.

"I thought we had moved past that, Natalie." She sighed in frustration. "So did I, Michael. But I don't know that I can ever truly move on until that bastard is in prison; until he's being made to pay for what he did to me." Michael pulled him to her and she wrapped her arms around him, letting herself be comforted. "I'll find out what I can about the drug, but if there are any serious side effects you can just forget it." Natalie smiled and kissed him lightly. "Yes, Doctor."

Two weeks later, Michael came home with an appointment for Natalie to meet with Dr. Yvonne Baker, a therapist who specialized in rape cases and the new drug. "She assured me there are no serious side effects, but you do realize you're going to have to go through the entire experience again, exactly as it happened that day?" She bit her lip and nodded. "I know, but I have to do it." Michael kissed her forehead. "You are such a strong, beautiful, brave woman. God, I love you." "I love you too, Michael McBain." She kissed him.

The next day, Michael and Natalie arrived at Dr. Baker's office, having left Shane with Jessica for the day. Michael had insisted that he be allowed to sit in on the session, and Dr. Baker had agreed, saying that it was important for the woman to have someone there for emotional support when they came out from under the drug's influence.

Thirty minutes after she had taken the drug, Natalie had been taken back to that day and was being walked through it step-by-step. "I went home, and had just finished packing when I heard the door close. I tried to remember if I had locked it and walked into the living room, taking mace out of my pocket." Suddenly her voice was panicked, and Michael grabbed her hand, squeezing it helplessly. "He has a gun! Oh my god, what does he want? I told him to take anything—"

She whimpers and tears begin falling. "No! I can't let him—No, stop! Get away from me!" The tears were falling fast and hard now. "Natalie!" Yvonne snapped her fingers and Natalie began to take deep, calming breaths. "Now, I want you to freeze his image in your mind. Got it?" She nods slowly. "Now look at it closely. What is there that you recognize?" Her forehead furrows in concentration, and then suddenly comprehension dawns. "His tattoo— I've seen that tattoo before." "Where did you see it, Natalie?" "On the news one night. There was a man they were looking for, he was wanted for questioning in the rape of a nine-year old girl."

Michael cursed softly, and Yvonne gave him a warning look. "Natalie, what is the man's name?" "Thomas Jenkins," she said. "You've done very well, Natalie, but now we need to finish going through the rape." She whimpered. "Doctor, can't we just bring her out of it now?" Yvonne shook her head. "She needs to go through it completely so that she can let it go and realize that none of it was her fault." Michael nodded.

"Natalie, let go of the image and focus on where we were." Her face crumpled up and she began to sob. "Let me go! Let me go!" She was crying hysterically now, and Yvonne looked sympathetically at Michael. "Natalie, what's going on right now?" "He has me on the bed, and he's opening a condom…" Suddenly her face is filled with terror, and Yvonne winces. "Natalie. I need you to stay with us. No matter what he does to you, know that Michael and I are right here and we're not going anywhere, okay?"

Fifteen minutes later, Natalie had come out from under the drug's influence and was in Michael's arms, sobbing. But these tears were different; these were cleansing, healing tears. Yvonne had gone to call the LPD and tell them the name of Natalie's rapist as soon as she had finished the session, and now returned. "Thomas Jenkins is in prison right now for the rape of that nine-year old, but they can get his sentence extended if you agree to testify against him and to have a DNA test done for Shane."

Natalie raised her head and looked at Yvonne. "Shane? I don't want my son brought anywhere near this. That's all I need is for that bastard to find out about him and find a way to take him." "Well, they're going to need all the physical evidence they can get. Since it's been almost three years since your rape…" Her voice trailed off, and Natalie stood to her feet. "Thank you. I-I'll think about it." She and Michael walked out of the office.

TO BE CONTINUED


	14. Chapter 14: Threats and Realizations

**Part 14: Threats and Realizations**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

_Hey guys! It took me a bit to finish this chapter, what with starting college and all. Enjoy, and I'll try to have the next chapter up as soon as possible..._

_And here's a little something to remember: reviews give me inspiration! ;) Love you guys! Manda_

Natalie hadn't said a word the entire way home or during dinner, even when Shane had presented her with his newest prize, a large earthworm he'd found in Jessica's garden. After he had been tucked into bed that night, Michael and Natalie were sitting on the front porch swing. She was wrapped in his arms, with her head resting on his shoulder as she continued to think about the day. "Michael, should I just let them do the DNA test?"

Michael sighed and kissed her temple. "I hate to say this, but that is your decision, sweetie. I love Shane as if he were my own, and in my heart he is my son, but legally only you have the right to make decisions like this." She sat up. "Let's change that." He looked at her closely and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. "What are you saying?" "I'm saying that you should adopt Shane. That way you would be his father in every way that counts." His eyes filled with tears. "Honey, nothing could make me happier."

Two months later, the adoption proceedings were complete, and Shane was now Shane Michael Buchanan McBain. They had asked the judge about the father's rights, and she had assured them that he had none in the eyes of the law now that Michael was the legal father. As they drove home, they had no way of knowing that their world was about to be turned upside down…

When they got home, Michael took Shane out for a baseball game so that Natalie could have some downtime. Shortly after they left, the mail came and she was flipping through it idly when she saw an address that turned her blood cold. It was from Thomas Jenkins in Huntsville Prison. Her hands trembled as she tore the envelope open and began to read the letter inside.

_Natalie,_

_How's my baby boy doing? That's right I know about my son. You thought you could keep him from me? I have eyes and ears all over Llanview. I swear to you now, I will get my son one way or another. You'll never see him again. Say good bye to your little boy right now. Everywhere you go you'll be looking over your shoulder you'll never know when I'm coming. Good luck sleeping at night my love. _

_Thomas_

She sat on the couch and reread the letter over and over again, tears streaming down her face. That was how she was when Michael and Shane returned home. He quickly sent Shane to his room to play and sat beside Natalie. "What happened?" She silently handed him the letter. He read it and his face flushed with anger as he took Natalie into his arms, crumpling the letter up into a ball and dropping it on the floor.

"You shouldn't do that; that's evidence," she whispered through her sobs. He managed a strangled laugh as he stroked her hair. "I'll worry about it when I'm done taking care of you," he replied. She pulled back, scrubbing the tears away with the backs of her hands. "There's no time to take care of me, we have to worry about Shane right now."

"You are absolutely right. We have to do everything possible to protect him, starting with letting Bo know about this." She nodded. "You're right. Shane!" He came toddling into the room. "Mama!" She laughed and pulled him into her arms. "Hey, sweetie. Listen, we're going to take a ride to go see Uncle Bo." Shane clapped his hands excitedly. "Yay!" Shane and Bo were the best of buddies; Bo had fallen for him right away and was constantly taking Shane and Matthew on all sorts of trips.

Natalie smiled and looked at Michael. "You're coming with me, right? I don't think I'm in the condition to be driving at the moment." "No way would I let you out of my sight right now." Natalie smiled and went to get Shane's' coat.

At the police station, they found out that Bo was out on a call. They could either wait for hours or talk to John, who had been anything but supportive of Natalie and Michael's marriage. Still, they needed to do something so they went to talk to him.

After looking at the note he looked up at them. "Natalie, this is just an empty threat. Jenkins is in that prison for thirty more years; how is he supposed to take your son away from you?" Natalie sighed in frustration. "Damn it, John! I know that you don't care about Shane at all, but he's just a little boy who needs to be protected. You're telling me that you would put his life at risk just because you hate his father?"

John put a hand over his eyes and sighed deeply. "No, I'm saying that legally I can't do anything except maybe charge Jenkins with harassing you. But even that would be a little hard to make stick unless you're willing to have a DNA test done on Shane to prove why he would be harassing you. And then you'd have proof he was the father, proof he could use against you if he was to get out of prison early." "So we're screwed whichever way we go with this; is that what you're telling me?" "I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do."

Natalie stormed out of the office, stopping to get Shane from Officer Mitchell and went to wait in the car. Michael looked at John with anger in his eyes. "Man, you just can't get over that Natalie got over you and has a new life now, can you?" "What?" John pretended to not know what he was talking about. "Natalie has a son and a husband now, and you're so bitter you would make a lemon taste sweet. Be careful about that bitterness John; it could end up costing that little boy his life and then how would you feel?" He went after Natalie not giving John any time to regroup and retaliate.

John sat at his desk sighing deeply. He honestly didn't know what his problem with Shane was, but maybe Michael was right. Maybe he was just bitter because Natalie had moved on. But one thing was for certain: he couldn't continue putting Shane and Natalie at risk because of his personal feelings. He picked up the phone and called Bo.

TO BE CONTINUED


	15. Chapter 15: Betrayl and Closure

**Chapter 15: Betrayal and Closure**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

_Hey guys. Okay, I have been getting FAR too much Jolie for my own good these past few weeks, and I've been afraid to write more because I thought it might come out. Yesterday's episode was so amazing that I wanted to write and kind of bring out John's sweet, protective side since he's been such an ass throughout this story. Enjoy!_

_Honestly I don't know where the end of this chapter came from… I'm sooooo sorry but SQUEE! (Actually I do know where it came from it's all because of yesterday's episode. Sorry guys!)_

_Manda_

Two months later, John had arranged around-the-clock police protection for Michael, Natalie, and Shane, but it was getting harder and harder to justify all the manpower since Jenkins was still sitting in a prison cell. He had warned Natalie that if Jenkins didn't make a move within a week or so, he was going to be ordered to pull the officers. She hadn't been happy, but she had understood.

John was currently sitting at home on his bed staring at a picture of Natalie that had been taken shortly before she'd left Llanview trying to figure out how he had gotten so angry with her. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. "Come in." Natalie walked in, closing the door behind her. "I think we have a little unfinished business between us." He raised an eyebrow. "We do?" She smirked at him. "Don't play dumb, John. I know that you're still angry with Michael for winning my heart, and I know that you still blame Shane for what Jenkins did, no matter how subconsciously."

John nodded silently, not trusting himself to say anything at that moment, and Natalie continued. "I told you that I love Michael and Shane more than life itself, yet you continue to act like they're inconveniences to you." She paused and waited for him to speak, but he said nothing. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

"What do you want me to say, Natalie? That I love you so much that when you left Llanview I threw myself into my work to forget about you, but it didn't work? Or maybe it's that I still love you and every time I see you with Michael it's like someone's shot me, only more painful. Or could it be that when I see you with Shane I think that he should have been our son?" His voice was raw with emotion, and Natalie's eyes filled with sorrow and compassion as he hit the desk.

"Damn it, I didn't want to let you see me do this." She went to his side and placed a gentle, understanding hand on his shoulder. "John, I loved you once. You broke my heart over and over again, and I knew that if you did it one more time that I would never recover. That's why I left, and I wish that you had told me all of this when I first came home from Mesquite. Then we could have possibly had a chance. Instead you let me move on at long last and fall for Michael."

"You made your feelings about me perfectly clear the last time I talked to you," John said, refusing to meet her gaze. She sighed. "For such a "show not tell" guy you sure don't know anything about women's signals, do you?" He laughed bitterly. "I guess not." "I still loved you when I left Llanview. It wasn't until I was raped and came home that I moved on, and that was because Michael was the one who was there for me. He was the one who gave me what I needed, John. You avoided me like the plague."

"I was terrified." She looked surprised. "Of what?" "I was terrified that I would see pain in your eyes," he admitted. "John—" "Let me finish." She nodded and pressed her lips together. "I was terrified of the pain I knew would be in your eyes, and I was terrified that if I tried to comfort you I'd make it worse." He looked up into her eyes. "But I made it worse anyway by staying away, didn't I?" She reached out and placed her hand on his cheek.

"All that I know is that you're finally being straight with me John. It's light years too late for us, but you're helping yourself so much by telling me this." He smiled sadly. "I don't want to help myself if I can't have you." He leaned in and kissed her. She couldn't help kissing him back, wrapping her arms around his neck.

She allowed herself to forget about Michael, to forget about everything except that she and John were going to get their one time together at long last. She fell backwards onto the bed, and John followed. As the kisses deepened, she knew that all the things she had ever felt about John were about to be resolved permanently…

TO BE CONTINUED


	16. Chapter 16: Guilt

**Dealing**

**Part 16: Guilt**

_Okay, this may be the last chapter because I am honestly just out of ideas for this story._

_But I'll just write the chapter and see where it goes…_

_I have way too much JoLie in my life right now to write a proper Nikey story so I think this one should be wrapping up soon. Sorry guys! Manda_

Natalie let herself into the house silently, praying that no one would be home. She didn't think she could deal with Michael at the moment, not after what she had just done to him. She shut the door and sank down it, silently sobbing.

_How the hell could I do that? I slept with my brother in-law…._

_It's been a long time coming, _a little voice inside protested. _But not while I'm married to Michael! Damn it, after everything he's done for me how could I betray him like this? _The tears began to flow faster and harder as she picked herself up off the ground and stumbled into the bathroom. As she looked at herself calmly in the mirror she opened the medicine cabinet and took out her bottle of sleeping pills.

She could never face Michael again, not after what she'd done… As she slowly downed the pills one by one she realized that if she stayed there Shane would see her body. Natalie would never want her son to see anything like that, so she left the house taking nothing but the pills and leaving a short note. As she stumbled through the wooded area surrounding their home she started to feel the pills taking their effect as she became woozy.

She just had made it to the statue in Angel's Square when she collapsed… She smiled up at the statue. _I'm coming, Cris…_

John took a swig out of the bottle of Jack Daniels, trying to put the image of Natalie's guilt-stricken face as she had left his room earlier out of his mind. "Damn it," he growled, slamming his fist down onto the table. He had lost all self-control when she had touched his cheek, and she had certainly not been complaining, but she had committed adultery with her brother-in-law… He laughed dryly, thinking that was something that would happen on a soap opera.

John was drinking straight from the bottle, which was never a good sign. He ran a hand through his hair as he tried to forget how Natalie had felt and tasted… He could never go there again, she was married, and to his brother at that. He groaned.

Natalie suddenly felt strong arms lift her up and begin carrying her away. She protested weakly but she could do nothing more. She could not even turn her head to see who it was that held her…

TO BE CONTINUED


	17. Chapter 17: Pain and Regrets

**Dealing**

**Part 17: Pain and Regrets**

_Recaps: Honestly I don't know… Here goes my lame attempt: Natalie left Llanview to get over John and was raped. She conceived a baby from that and is now married to Michael McBain; they are raising the baby (Shane). Natalie and John have now slept together, Natalie felt guilty and tried to kill herself…  
_

**Author's Note: **Okay I am trying to get this story to wrap up but I don't know how long it's going to take. Please enjoy what's left to go!

Also, the Cristian reveal has been done to death—mostly by myself—so I've decided to ignore it. He died in Vegas. (Which in my opinion the REAL Cris did die there—this hack is NOT Cristian Vega)

**Dedication: **This one is for Dana who basically gave me the rest of the story when I asked her what should happen. Thanks, and hope your little boy feels better very soon!

Natalie squinted into the bright light she saw shining directly in front of her. "Is this the typical "it's not your time" message?" she asked bitterly. An audible gasp escaped her throat as Cristian and Michael walked from the light. "Michael? What the hell are you doing here?" He looked at her sadly. "When you didn't come home, I took Shane to Llanfair and came to look for you. I didn't see the truck coming until it was too late." His voice cracked.

Natalie's eyes widened and she took an involuntary step backward as the truth hit. "What are you telling me?" Michael walked towards her as Cristian stayed back. His moment would come, but right now he knew he wasn't needed. As Michael took Natalie into his arms she began to shake. "No, no… You can't be dead!" She finally began to cry against his shoulder as he stroked her hair, tears falling freely.

"Sweetie," he whispered in her ear after a few moments. Her body had finally stopped shaking and he knew it was Cristian's turn. They didn't have much time left. He gently pulled back, pushing Natalie back as she tried to move with him.

Michael's tears came faster as he tenderly pushed the hair back from her face and cupped her face with his hands. She moved her hands up to cover his as her sobs began again. He kissed his forehead fiercely and forced her eyes to meet his own. "Baby, you're not supposed to be here yet. You have to go back and take care of our son. There are bad things coming, things only you can stop."

Natalie looked at him, terror and vulnerability written deep in her eyes. "Why can't you come back with me?" she asked, her voice young and child-like. "It's my time. You and I were the real thing honey, but your true soul mate is waiting for you." He kissed her one last time before turning and disappearing into the light so she would not hear him break.

Natalie fell to her knees gasping for breath. She felt Michael's departure with every fiber of her being, and there was a pain in her heart. Cristian slowly approached leaning down and taking her into his arms. "Natalie, you have mourned me so I won't take long. You need to mourn the loss you just suffered, but I have to tell you this." She looked up at him quietly and waited. "

"I know you often worried about what I would think of everything that happened to you and your moving on." He nodded at her look. "Yes, every time I heard you say my name I listened. Natalie, I want nothing more than for you to be happy. I may not like the man you belong with for eternity, but it is not my call. If he makes you happy I'll be happy." He kissed her forehead. "I love you, Natalie." She couldn't speak as he disappeared too.

Realizing she was entirely alone, she let out a scream filled with anguish—and suddenly heard the voices above her. "I think she's coming around." Natalie's vision slowly came into focus and she finally saw the smiling faces of her mother and John above her. "Mom?" Viki smiled and embraced Natalie. "Thank God you're all right!" she whispered into her ear. "I'm going to get the doctor." She left.

Natalie's eyes filled with tears as she remembered what had just happened. "God I had the most horrible dream about us John—" she began, then stopped when she saw John shake his head slightly. Realizing it hadn't been a dream she put the back of her hand to her mouth as she tasted bile. "Oh my god," she spat, disgusted at herself.

John looked down. "There's something else." Natalie's eyes widened as she remembered her dream encounter with Michael and Cristian—hadn't it been a dream? John opened his mouth to continue but suddenly feeling a rush of panic Natalie cut him off. "I also had a dream that I saw Michael and Cristian. Michael told me that he had been killed because he came looking for me. Isn't that funny?" She laughed desperately as the icy grip fear held on her heart tightened at John's shocked look.

"Oh my god…" she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. "He—NO! He can't be dead!" she screamed. John moved to put his arms around her as she began to sob but she slapped him. "Damn you!" Her voice tightened and grew ice cold as she finished, "It's our fault he's dead. If I had come home he wouldn't have been out." John stood. "It's my fault. I should have known better, and now my baby brother is dead because of me." He left the room as Natalie stared down at her tightly clasped hands without comprehension.

What the hell had she done?

TO BE CONTINUED


	18. Chapter 18: Discoveries

**Dealing**

**Part 18: Discoveries**

_Recaps: Honestly I don't know… Here goes my lame attempt: Natalie left Llanview to get over John and was raped. She conceived a baby from that and is now married to Michael McBain; they are raising the baby (Shane). Natalie and John have now slept together; Natalie felt guilty and tried to kill herself. She then had an encounter with Cristian and Michael who convinced her to go back because Shane needed her, and because her true soul mate was still waiting for her. She then told John it was their fault Michael had died, and in true John form he placed the blame solely on himself._

It had been three months since Natalie had lost her husband and almost her life. She and Shane were living with Viki, who had been given temporary custody of Shane after her failed suicide attempt. Natalie would be granted custody again after was pronounced capable of caring for him on her own by the court-appointed psychologist.

He had told her that she was making good, steady progress and that he wanted her to begin keeping Shane on her own to prepare herself when he gave the okay for her to receive full custody once again.

Natalie's physical appearance had changed drastically over the last three months. She'd lost quite a bit of weight and her once long red hair now fell just above her shoulders. Her old clothing hung loosely on her thin frame, and it was only on Viki's insistence that she had bought an entire new wardrobe.

Every day that she looked in the mirror she felt a pang of regret upon realizing that her deceased husband wouldn't recognize her.

Normally, Tuesday was the day when Viki would go shopping and leave Shane under the care of Natalie and Lois. But on this particular Tuesday, much to Natalie's relief, she had different plans.

Viki was taking her grandson to Pine Valley for one of their weekly visits with Babe Chandler and the now-toddler aged Adam Chandler III; the boy they had been fooled into thinking was a Buchanan.

Natalie had begged out of the trip by feigning illness, and she swallowed as she watched the silver Lexus turn out of the driveway and onto the road.

It was now or never.

Her heart was racing as she took the small white box from its hiding place in her underwear drawer. Refusing to allow rational thought into her mind, she walked slowly to the bathroom, the door clicking shut behind her. The privacy was a comfort, no matter how unnecessary the carriage house made it.

Five minutes later, she took a deep breath as she turned to stare at the test, making no move to pick it up. Tears flooded her eyes as her hand wandered to touch her stomach briefly, allowing her to honestly consider the possibility that she might be pregnant for the first time since she had originally suspected it days earlier.

Natalie shook her head, forcing the tears to remain at bay as she removed her hand and picked up the test. She hadn't realized just how much she was trembling until she saw the test shaking so hard that she couldn't read the results.

She took a deep breath and set it back on the counter, covering her face with her hands as she forced herself to take deep breaths. After a moment she was calm enough to pick the test back up, forcing herself to face the truth head on.

The lines indicating the positive results blurred as tears blinded her vision and began to tumble down her cheeks.

The test tumbled soundlessly to the carpeted floor as she clasped a hand over her mouth and allowed her hand to stray back down to her flat stomach. Her face crumpled as she sobbed.

Her husband was dead, and now she was pregnant with his child. Of course, there was every possibility that the father was—

She shook her head, forcing the thought away.

But it wouldn't leave that easily. She closed her eyes and let the memories overtake her… memories of one and a half months earlier; the last time John had attempted to contact her.

_Natalie opened the door, her eyes widening at the sight of the person standing there._

"_John. What are you—?"_

"_Can I come in?" He brushed his way past her without waiting for a response._

_Natalie rolled her eyes and shut the door, turning around to find him with a picture in his hand. She moved closer and flinched when she saw the picture. It was of her, John and Michael a mere two months ago._

_Her temper flared up as she snatched the picture from his grasp, tenderly replacing it on the mantel._

"_What do you want?" she asked, her voice tinged with quiet desperation; anger forgotten as she was overcome with memories of Michael._

"_Look at me." His voice was soft but held a firmness that caused her to relunctantly lift her gaze from the photograph to meet his eyes._

_John searched for the words he had wanted to say, but all that he could manage was a hoarse, "I'm sorry." His hand drifted up to gently tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, and they both shivered at the contact. Their eyes remained locked as Natalie reached up, covering his hand with hers._

"_You should go," she said softly, taking his hand off of her face and letting go. _

_He let his hand drop to his side heavily as he sighed. "Look, I came over here because I had something to say."_

"_Then say it."_

"_We're not to blame for Michael's death." He saw the way she stiffened and averted her eyes. He gently put a hand under her chin and forced her to meet his gaze again. "We're not."_

_Her voice was barely a whisper as she replied, "You're right. It wasn't—it was my fault. You were just there. I was the one who initiated everything, and I was the married woman sleeping with her husband's brother."_

_He shook his head. "Natalie, no. We made love, and—"  
_

"_I can't do this. You need to leave."_

"_Wait. I'll stop talking about it. I just—I wanted to know if there was any chance that maybe I could come by to check up on you and Shane every once in a while."_

_He saw the hesitation in her eyes before she slowly shook her head. "It's all I can do to make myself face each morning as it is… I don't think I could do that and focus on recovering if I had to worry about when you were going to come by and make me relive that horrible night."_

_She was the only one who would have noticed that he flinched ever so slightly at his words, and she saw the way the shadows in his eyes darkened at her words. _

"_I get that. I just wish—" He shook his head, running a hand over his hair. "I shouldn't have come here." Natalie watched silently as he walked to the door._

_He opened it and hesitated, turning to face her. "I can't leave without saying something—I love you, Natalie. I know that nothing can come out of it now, but you deserved to hear the words." _

_Natalie's eyes filled with tears as she watched him turn around and leave, shutting the door behind him. She held the tears at bay until she heard his car pull out of the drive, and only then did she allow herself to sink to the ground and cry. _

_She cried for the time when those words might have mattered, and she cried because despite it all she knew that they still mattered to her._

Coming back to the present, Natalie took a deep breath and wiped away her tears. She had fought through therapy and depression for three months, and she knew that she would have to rely on the things she had learned from it to get through this.

"We will get through this," she whispered as she stood up, placing a protective hand on her stomach.

She threw the test in the trash and walked to the sink, splashing some water on her face. She took a deep breath and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her face was pale, and her eyes were red from all the tears she had shed.

"We have to," she whispered, unable to tear her eyes away from her reflection.

TO BE CONTINUED


	19. Chapter 19: Revelations

**Very short but necessary chapter... Hope you enjoy!**

**Dealing**

**Part 19: Revelations**

Natalie took a deep breath as she placed a hand on her slightly swollen stomach. It wasn't enough to notice yet, but she knew that wouldn't be the case for too much longer. She worried her lower lip nervously as she tried to imagine her mother's reaction to the news that she was four and a half months pregnant… and that the baby might be John's.

Her eyes filled with tears as she tried to picture the look on Viki's face when she told her that at the time of Michael's death she had been having sex with John… _Making love,_ an inner voice whispered. Her mind quickly pushed the thought away. _It was just sex. That's all it was… That's all that it can be._

She knew that there was no way she could handle things if she let herself think otherwise.

"Mom, I have something to tell you."

Viki's look of confusion quickly gave way to concern when she saw the expression on her daughter's face. "Of course, darling. What is it?"

Natalie took a deep breath, staring down at her folded hands as she whispered, "I'm pregnant."

Viki inhaled sharply, standing up and moving to sit on the couch beside Natalie. She wrapped her arms around her daughter.

Natalie went into her arms willingly, burying her face in Viki's neck as she clung to her like a small child and allowed all of her fears and shame to come out in the form of her tears.

After a moment, Natalie pulled back gently and wiped the tears off of her cheeks. Viki didn't say anything, knowing that she would speak when she was ready.

"I'm four and a half months pregnant…" Her hand slowly found its way to her stomach, and she caressed it gently as she continued.

"And… Mom, there's so much you don't know." She turned to look at her mother, needing to see the look on her face when she told her.

"The night that Michael died looking for me… I was with John." Her words were deliberately vague out of respect for her mother, but she knew that Viki would figure it out.

She searched Viki's face carefully for any sign of the judgement and disapproval she was sure would be there. To her surprise, she found nothing but love and acceptance as Viki nodded for her to continue.

Natalie told the entire story at a fast pace, her words jumbling together in her rush to get the story told. When she had finally finished she felt an overwhelming sense of relief, and she couldn't help the tears that spilled down her face.

Viki smiled as she brushed Natalie's hair back, gently wiping away her tears. "Feel better?" Natalie nodded, leaning her head back against the couch. "It's like this weight has been lifted."

Her mother smiled and gently asked, "Have you thought about when you're going to tell John?"

Natalie's sense of peace disappeared as she felt the fears begin to creep back in and she shook her head. "No. This is Michael's baby. It has to be."

"Darling, I understand that you want it to be Michael's child, but that doesn't make it so. John has a right to know that you might be carrying his baby, wouldn't you agree?"

Natalie hesitated, and she had just opened her mouth to reply when Jessica's scream rang out from the foyer.

TO BE CONTINUED


	20. Chapter 20: Shock

**Dealing**

**Part 20: Shock**

Natalie hesitated, and she had just opened her mouth to reply when Jessica's scream rang out from the foyer.

"Jessica?" Natalie and Viki hurried into the foyer to see Jessica, pale and trembling, clutching the banister for support as she tried not to collapse.

"Oh my god, Jess!" Natalie and Viki rushed to her side, each taking an arm and helping her to sit down on the steps.

"What happened?" Jessica held out her cell phone to Natalie without saying a word. Natalie took the phone and put it up to her ear. "Hello?"

"I'm coming for my son, beautiful. You won't know when or where… but enjoy every second you have left. You don't know which moment will be the last you'll ever share with him... but then, you have a new little one on the way, so he shouldn't be too missed." He let out a low chuckle and hung up.

Natalie began to shake as she heard a sharp click and then dead air. The phone slipped from her hand, hitting the ground with a muffled thud. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and looked up at Viki, terror evident in her eyes.

"Baby, what happened? Who was on the phone?"

Natalie took a deep breath and answered, holding her tears at bay even as they filled her voice.

"It was Thomas Jenkins… He wants Shane – and he knows that I'm pregnant." A sob escaped her lips as the reality of the situation finally hit her. "What the hell is going on? How could he possibly he know that and how was he able to contact me?"

Viki shook her head, overcome by concern for her daughter as she walked back into the library. "I don't know, but I am going to find out."

She had just picked up the phone to call Bo when there was a knock on the door. She put the phone down and walked to the door, knowing that neither of her girls was in any condition to answer it.

She opened the door and took half a step backwards. "John? I certainly didn't expect you to be coming by anytime soon."

John ran a hand through his hair as he smiled nervously. "Mrs. Davidson. Is Natalie home?"

Viki's eyes narrowed as she turned to look at Natalie, who nodded in consent as she wiped away her remaining tears. "Yes, she is. But why are you here?" she asked, a protective edge creeping into her voice.

"May I come in?"

Viki gave him an indecipherable look before she nodded and stepped aside, allowing John to walk inside. She shut the door and locked it, deliberately keeping her eyes on John as she went to Jessica, who had yet to say a word.

"If you think you'll be all right I'm going to take your sister into the kitchen and get her some tea. Would you like some?"

Natalie shook her head and gave Viki a grateful smile as she led Jessica out of the room, leaving her alone with John. Her hands automatically went to her stomach as she stared at him.

"What are you doing here?"

John frowned; he could still hear the tears in her voice. Something had obviously happened to upset her, and from the wetness he could see shining on her cheeks he would have guessed that it had happened mere moments before. He shook his head, bringing himself back to the present as he easily slipped into what those who knew him best called his cop mode.

"I'm here because we just got a call that Thomas Jenkins has escaped from prison. Given that you were the one who put him away, and that you have his son--"

Natalie laughed bitterly as she stood up. "He's already called here and threatened Shane," she said, her voice barely a ghost of a whisper.

John felt his jaw tighten in anger at Natalie's words. "When?" She met his eyes, taking a small measure of comfort in the protectiveness she saw there. "Just before you got here."

"That son of a bitch. I'll kill him before I let him near you or your son, Natalie. You know that, don't you?"

Natalie bit her lip as she nodded. She wanted to break the gaze their eyes had been locked in since he had entered the room, but she suddenly found that she couldn't. She didn't have the heart to say or do something that would kill the hope and love she saw in his eyes.

She had just opened her mouth to say something when Jessica's cell phone rang. Natalie's gaze moved to stare at the phone lying on the ground, the display screen lighting up with each ring. 'Caller Unknown' was visibly displayed to John, who moved to sit beside Natalie on the steps.

"Natalie?"

Her eyes remained transfixed on the phone. "Natalie, baby look at me." She didn't show any signs of hearing him and John gave up as the phone rang a fifth time. He picked it up quickly and answered it, praying that he wasn't too late.

He heard the breathing on the other end of the line and suddenly all of his anger and fear was unleashed as he began to talk into the phone, his voice low and more menacing than Natalie had ever heard it.

"Jenkins, you sick bastard if you come near Natalie or Shane I will do whatever it takes to make sure that you can never hurt them again."

He slammed the phone shut and then turned to Natalie, who hadn't moved her eyes from the spot where the phone had been moments earlier.

John moved to kneel in front of Natalie, taking her chin into his hand as he gently turned her head towards him. He muttered an oath as he realized that her eyes were unfocused. It was like she was looking straight through him.

Realizing that she was going into shock, John began to gently shake her head from side to side, calling her name. After a moment he realized that she was only slipping further and further away and he began to lightly hit her cheek with his free hand.

"Natalie. Come on baby, come back to me."

He breathed a sigh of relief and dropped his hands to her knees as Natalie blinked and then swung blindly, her fist connecting with his jaw and knocking him to the ground.

"What the hell!" John rubbed his jaw as Natalie's eyes suddenly focused on him. "Oh my god, John! I'm so sorry."

John smiled and shook his head, still rubbing his jaw as he pushed himself up and returned to sitting next to her. "Not a problem. I should've expected that retaliation from an AC girl, huh?"

Natalie smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "One of Roxy's rules – 'get hit, hit back.' Old habits really do die hard."

He chuckled and had just opened his mouth to reply when Jessica's cell phone rang.

Natalie's smile slipped and she shook her head when John reached to answer it, grabbing his hand as their eyes met.

"Let me."

John gave a reluctant nod as he pulled back, trying to ignore the pang he felt from the loss of contact.

Natalie took a deep breath as she tried to ignore the same pang, noting the 'Caller Unavailable' on the phone as she picked it up and answered.

"Hello?"

TO BE CONTINUED


	21. Chapter 21

Part 21: Shock

**Author's Note: **Wow, guys I am so sorry to leave you hanging for so long! I completed this a loooong time ago on the boards, I just forgot all about posting it here! Hope you guys aren't too angry wth me...

_Previously... _

_He chuckled and had just opened his mouth to reply when Jessica's cell phone rang._

Natalie's smile slipped and she shook her head when John reached to answer it, grabbing his hand as their eyes met.

"Let me."

John gave a reluctant nod as he pulled back, trying to ignore the pang he felt from the loss of contact.

Natalie took a deep breath as she tried to ignore the same pang, noting the 'Caller Unavailable' on the phone as she picked it up and answered.

"Hello?"

_"Hello?" Natalie repeated._

"Hey Nat, this is Bo."

John saw Natalie visibly relax her shoulders relaxing as she released the breath she had been holding.

"I was calling to see if John had shown up yet, but given the greeting I received when I called a minute ago I think it's safe to say that he is."

Natalie could hear the chuckle in Bo's voice and she burst out laughing. She only laughed harder when John raised an eyebrow, a look of confusion coming over his face.

"I'm so sorry, Uncle Bo—"

"Ah, don't be. I'm glad that you have him to look out for you. Nat, do me a favor?" She smiled. "What?"

"I know that you and John have had your problems – but would you consider letting him stay with you and Shane for a while? Just until we catch this bastard. It would make me feel better to know that you and Shane have the best protection available."

Natalie smiled. "I'll ask him. Thank you for being so concerned about us, Uncle Bo."

"Don't mention it. Stay safe, and make sure John knows that I appreciate his dedication to protecting you."

"I will. I love you." She could hear the smile in his voice as he returned the sentiments. They said their good-byes and hung up, Natalie grinning and a little misty-eyed as she turned back towards John.

"So what was so funny?"

"You threatened your boss." She giggled as a look of realization and horror spread across John's face. "That was Bo on the phone?"

She nodded as her smile widened. "But he said to tell you that he appreciates you being so protective of us." He couldn't help but grin as he saw her warm smile. He had missed it so much…

Just then the smile disappeared and she bit her lip. "He also told me to ask if you would be willing to stay and protect me and Shane."

John ran a hand over his chin as he considered the offer. He liked it because he knew there was no way he would trust the job to anyone else and because he would get to spend time with Natalie, something that he had sorely missed… But at the same time he was acutely aware of the fact that she hadn't asked him herself, and he didn't want to overstep his bounds.

"Natalie…" His voice trailed off as he tried to figure out how to say what he wanted to get across. "You know that I will do anything that it takes to keep you safe, but only if it's what you want. If you'd rather have someone else, someone who doesn't make you think of all the bad times in your life, then I understand."

Natalie bit her lower lip as she scrutinized John. He had lit up when she had told him what Bo had requested… but he'd quickly deflated after a moment. Now she understood why, and she was truly touched by his thoughtfulness.

Her eyes filled with tears as she reached over and took his hand. "John… I have to be honest. When you showed up here earlier, I thought that it was going to be horrible. I expected all those emotions to come flooding back… but they didn't.

Instead, I found myself looking at you and it was like none of that other stuff ever happened. I would love it if you would stay here and protect my son… And I'd like to take the chance to try to become friends again."

John smiled as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "I'd really like that."

The moment was broken by a knock on the door. John and Natalie both stood up, releasing each other's hands as they did so, and walked over.

"It's probably just Kevin… He took Shane to the zoo earlier."

John nodded but he kept a hand on his gun as Natalie pulled the door open to reveal Kevin and Shane.

She smiled as she knelt down and Shane released his uncle's hand and ran into her arms. "Mommy!" Natalie hugged him a little more tightly than usual, feeling her tears threatening to spill again as John briefly filled Kevin in on what was going on and sent him on his way.

Natalie rocked Shane back and forth for a moment before she finally pulled back, flooding his face with kisses as she brushed his hair back and looked at him. "Did you have fun with Uncle Kevin, baby?"

Shane nodded, grinning as he began to fill her in on all the different animals they had seen. She smiled, never letting him out of her arms as she listened to him talk, thanking God that she had this moment with her son.

John watched them quietly, not wanting to interrupt the moment. He couldn't help but think that Natalie was even more beautiful with her son… and that if he hadn't been such a fool that he might have gotten to experience it first-hand with their own child.

He shook his head, forcing the thought away. This was neither the time nor the place for thinking like that; he had much more important things to focus on… Like making sure that Thomas Jenkins never got within a hundred yards of Natalie or Shane.

Shane's stream of chatter continued as Natalie looked over his shoulder and met John's eyes with a smile. Knowing that he was going to be around until Jenkins was caught made her feel safe – and exhilarated in a way she was reluctant to think about.

She immediately felt guilty as Shane tugged on her shirt, trying to get her attention. It was all the reminder that she needed of the one secret that still stood between her and John… and she knew that she was going to have to tell him, especially since the evidence of her pregnancy was growing clearer each day.


	22. Chapter 22

Part 22: Disaster

John smiled as he looked down to see Shane's head on his leg, his eyes slowly drifting shut. "Okay little man, time to get you up to bed."

Shane sat up and shook his head, rubbing his eyes as he protested, "Not sleepy."

John chuckled as his face scrunched up into a yawn. "'Not sleepy' huh? Well, you know what?" Shane just looked at him inquisitively, and John felt a burst of love as he realized just how much the little boy looked like his mother in that moment.

"John's getting sleepy." He faked a large yawn to get his point across. "So how about we go lay in Mommy's bed until we fall asleep?"

Shane's face scrunched up for a moment as he thought, and then another yawn overtook him as he nodded his head yes.

John smiled and stood up, scooping Shane into his arms and putting him on his shoulders as Shane shrieked and giggled with delight.

Ten minutes later, John was smiling down at the sleeping child. He couldn't believe how quickly he had fallen in love with this little boy – it had only been two weeks since Jenkins had made his phone call and nothing had been heard from him since. The entire state was on high alert, but it was like the man had just vanished into thin air.

He slowly stood up when he heard the door open and close, drawing his gun as he slowly walked out. He knew that it was probably just Natalie, back from her family dinner at Llanfair, but he was taking no chances.

"John, it's just me. You can put the gun down," Natalie called from around the corner, amusement clear in her voice. John grinned and shook his head as he stepped into her sight, replacing the gun in his holster.

"How did you know?"

She smiled. "Because you've greeted me the same way every time I come home for the past two weeks?"

"You know me so well."

She grinned back. "Shane asleep?"

John nodded. "He's been out for a good five minutes, at least. He's in your bed though – want me to move him?"

Natalie hesitated for a moment before she shook his head. "No, he's fine for tonight. Why don't you come on into the kitchen and keep me company while I dig out a little junk food?"

John smiled. "Sounds great." He took a final look into the bedroom to see Shane sleeping peacefully before he followed Natalie into the kitchen.

He noticed with a grin that she already had two bowls and spoons sitting on the small kitchen table as he walked in. Her back was to him as she dug through the freezer, trying to find the quart of ice cream she had just bought.

John walked up behind her and reached into the freezer, his arm brushing hers as he pushed aside a few things and retrieved the ice cream he and Shane had eaten from earlier that day. The slight touch sent tingles rushing through both of them.

Natalie turned around as he pulled his arm back, finding it hard to breathe as she stared into his eyes. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips nervously as John slowly began to lean in his eyes focused on her lips.

Just before John's lips touched hers Natalie's cell phone rang and they jumped, John moving back slightly. Natalie took the chance to duck around his arm and walk into the living room, her heart racing as she sat on the couch and pulled her cell phone from her purse.

"Hello?"

John sighed as he set the ice cream down on the table with a hard thud and gripped the edge of the table tightly as he tried to calm himself. He had seen the relief in Natalie's eyes when that phone rang, and it spoke volumes.

She wasn't ready for what had just almost happened. He knew that, but it was so damn hard to be around her constantly, day and night for the past two weeks, and not be able to touch her. He knew that once he did, he wouldn't be able to stop.

Natalie took a deep breath as she shut the phone and walked back into the kitchen. She frowned at the sight of John. She knew him well enough to know that he was warring with himself to regain control for her sake.

Her hand drifted to gently rub her stomach as she frowned. She still wasn't quite showing, but her belly continued to grow with each passing day and she knew that she couldn't keep the truth from him for much longer.

Then her last excuse for denying the truth about her feelings for John would be gone… and she would have to tell him the truth. She loved him. She had always loved him, and although she had loved Michael she now knew that she had still loved John at the same time.

Now that she no longer held either of them responsible for Michael's death, Natalie knew that there was nothing standing in their way except for her secret.

"John?" she asked softly. He turned around and smiled painfully. "Ice cream's melting. We should probably get to it," he replied, and Natalie breathed a silent sigh of relief at the familiar slip into their old routine.

"Yeah, guess so." She smiled as she took her seat and reached for the tub of ice cream. She scooped a healthy amount into her bowl before handing it to John, sucking in a deep breath as she felt the electricity jolt through her when their fingers brushed.

They ate their ice cream in comfortable silence, and then Natalie gathered the dishes and carried them to the sink. She began to hum quietly as she washed the dishes, and John felt a sense of normalcy as he sat at the table and studied her back. It was as though he and Natalie had been living this way for all of their lives, and it just felt so right.

Just then Natalie dried the second bowl and turned around with a bright smile. "So, now that we've had our ice cream what do you want to do?" Her breath caught in her throat, as the words brought up all sorts of mental images.

She saw John's eyes darken slightly for a moment before he coughed and struggled to regain control. "Well," he replied after a moment, his voice slightly shaking as he suppressed the urge to take her into his arms. "We could go into the living room and watch a movie."

He laughed when he saw Natalie's nose wrinkle up and she shook her head. "Okay, how about some poker?" Her eyes lit up.

"I've got a deck of cards in my room," she offered.

He smiled as he stood up, the chair scraping against the floor as he did so. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

Natalie smiled and walked into her room, trying to calm her pounding heart as she opened a dresser drawer and pulled the cards out. She had just turned to leave when she felt a need to check on Shane. She smiled and shook her head as she saw that he had pulled the covers up over his head again.

Suddenly a jolt of fear shot through her that made it hard to breathe as she stared at his still form… or what appeared to be his still form.

The playing cards dropped to the carpet, forgotten, as her mind raced.

What if Jenkins had somehow gotten in while she and John were talking and grabbed Shane? What if her baby wasn't lying under those blankets at all, but this was some type of sick joke that bastard had planned for her?

Her heart pounding in fear, Natalie practically ran to the side of the bed and pulled the blankets back. She sat down, closing her eyes and breathing a sigh of relief at the sight of Shane's sleeping form. She leaned down, smoothing the hair back from his forehead as she pressed a gentle kiss to it.

"I love you, baby," she whispered as she covered him back up, this time making sure that the blankets allowed a tuft of his brown hair to peek out.

John was sitting on the couch when she returned, looking very much at home. She smiled weakly at the thought as she sank down on the couch next to him. He looked concerned as he asked, "What happened?"

Natalie shook her head numbly as the first tear rolled down her face. John was at a loss as her tears starting to come faster and harder. He pulled her into his embrace and began to gently rock her as he stroked her hair.

"Shh, baby. It's all right," he whispered helplessly as he continued to offer her the only comfort that he could.

After a moment, Natalie finally pulled back. John relunctantly released her and watched as she took a deep breath and wiped her tears away. His hands clenched into fists as he fought the effort to reach out and brush them away for her.

"What happened?" he asked softly. Natalie shook her head. "When I went into my room I was watching Shane sleep… and he had the covers pulled up over his head, just like every other night. Only tonight – I freaked. I started to think of a million 'what ifs' and I had to pull the blankets back to reassure myself that he was all right. Then I guess that everything just hit me when I walked back in here, you know?"

John nodded quietly, sensing that she wasn't finished. "I hate this. I hate that Jenkins can reduce me to this… that he has this power over me. I just hate it, John." Her eyes pleaded with his and he couldn't help himself – he reached out and pulled her back into his arms.

He took a deep breath as he felt her slowly relax against his chest, his hand rubbing soothing circles on her back. After a moment she pulled back slightly, staring into his eyes for what seemed like an eternity before she leaned in and pressed her lips to his.

The kiss was soft and full of electricity. John, desperate to taste what he had thought he never would again, slid his hands through Natalie's hair, deepening the kiss as he pulled her even closer to him.

Natalie moaned as his tongue probed her lips, parting them and slipping inside. Their tongues touched, eliciting a soft moan from both of them as they instinctively moved closer.

John groaned as he felt Natalie's fingers tangle in his hair, her nails lightly scraping his scalp as he began to lay her back on the couch. She went willingly, pulling him with her and sighing contentedly when she felt his weight on her. 

It wasn't until his hand began to move underneath her shirt that Natalie came back to her senses. Her stomach wasn't noticeable to the naked eye yet, but the difference between it now and when John had last touched her was enough to be felt… and she knew that he would feel it.

That was why she gently pushed John's hand away and pulled out of the kiss, making no move to leave their current position as she gazed up at him.

She lifted a hand and brushed a lock of his hair out of his face. "John, I have to tell you—"

Natalie's confession was stopped by the loud crash that resounded from her room. Her eyes were wide with fright as she looked at John.

"Shane," was the only word she had time to utter before John was standing up and making his way towards the room as he pulled the gun out of the holster.

TO BE CONTINUED


	23. Chapter 23

Part 23: Loss

Natalie couldn't breathe as she stood up and followed John quickly. He held a finger up to his lips as she noted with alarm that the door was closed.

"I didn't close that," she said in a panicked whisper, and though he tried to hide it Natalie saw the alarm in his eyes. He turned back to the door, grabbed the knob and opened it in one smooth motion as he stepped inside, gun held at the ready.

The room was empty, the curtains of Natalie's window blowing in the breeze. Glass lay everywhere, doubtlessly the cause of the crash they had heard.

And Shane was gone.

John cursed as he heard Natalie's scream. He turned to her and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her gently as he spoke urgently. "I need you to stay here and find something to protect yourself in case he comes back. I'm going after Shane." 

He ran from the room and Natalie numbly stumbled to the living room, grabbing the fireplace poker as her mind screamed at her to follow John. But she knew that she would only slow him down, so she forced herself to sit on the couch and wait.

It was ten minutes later when John finally returned. He didn't have to say a word; the anguish on his face matched what she was feeling and she began to sob brokenly as he picked up the phone and called for back up.

"It was a white Toyota Celica, license plate was New Jersey, number TNY392," John repeated for what had to have been the twelfth time since the LPD had shown up.

"No distinguishing characteristics?"

"None that I could see. It was dark, and he was already halfway down the road by the time I got out there. Can I go now?"

Officer Jacobs smirked when he saw the way John's eyes went to Natalie, who was sitting on the couch with the police commissioner who was also her uncle, Bo. "Yeah, man. Go take care of her."

John smiled slightly. "Thanks, Jacobs." He stood up and walked over to the couch, sitting on the opposite side of Natalie.

"Hey," he said softly. 

Natalie smiled weakly at him and leaned against his chest. His arms opened and wrapped around her, and she sighed. Neither noticed Bo's smile as he stood up and walked over to Jacobs.

"We're gonna find him, Natalie." He pressed a fierce kiss to the top of her head as he repeated himself, his words now sounding more like a prayer than a commitment.

"We're gonna find him."

Two hours later the cops had finally gone, leaving Natalie and John alone. They were both silent as they sat beside each other on the couch, neither wanting to be the first to speak.

Finally Natalie couldn't take it any longer. She turned to John and put her hand on his cheek. "This wasn't your fault," she declared firmly, her tone leaving no room for argument.

John smiled sadly at her as he covered her hand with his own and closed his eyes.

"If only I could believe that."

"Well believe it, because it's the truth. I don't blame you for this and nobody else does but you. And I will not have you blaming yourself for something else that was not your fault."

She sighed when he slowly pulled her hand off of his cheek and gently placed it back in her lap, standing up and walking outside.

John shook his head when he heard the front door open. A moment later he smiled slightly as he felt Natalie's arms wrap around him from behind. She rested her head on his shoulder, smiling when she heard his quiet sigh of relief.

He turned around, his hands on her arms ensuring that they remained wrapped around him.

"Can you honestly say that you don't blame me for this?"

Natalie nodded, leaning in to press a small kiss against his lips. "I don't blame you at all. I blame Jenkins, and that's who you would be better off blaming too. He is the asshole who has caused all of this and who now has my son."

Seeing the guilt starting to come back to his eyes, she placed her hand on his cheek and spoke slowly, firmly and with conviction. ""You are not to blame. I know that you are going to get Shane back for me. And I also know that you will not give up, no matter what the cost."

John sighed as he rested his forehead against hers, his eyes staring into hers as he whispered, "You're right. I am going to get him back, and I can't risk another distraction like the one that got him snatched."

Natalie stiffened and pulled back, keeping her arms around him. The words stung and it felt like he had just slapped her, but she knew what he was doing.

"I know you too well, McBain. I am not going to let you pull away from me."

He gently extricated himself from her arms and turned to walk back inside. Natalie didn't know why, but her gut told her that if she let him do this again there would be no turning back. 

"John, I have to tell you something," she said softly.

He turned around, his eyes glistening in the moonlight from the tears he was trying to hold back.

"What?"

She crossed the distance between them in two steps and took his hand, almost smiling at John's look of confusion as she placed it on her belly.

"I'm pregnant," she whispered, trying to ignore the look on John's face as she continued. "The date of conception was… that night," she finished, trying to hold the tears at bay. "

A look of understanding came over his face as his gaze moved from her face to her stomach, and then back to her face. His mouth worked soundlessly for a moment, and Natalie took a deep breath and closed her eyes, steeling herself.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he finally choked out. His voice was full of pain and hurt, and Natalie winced.

"At first I was still holding on to the delusion that it was probably Michael's baby… but the chances of that are pretty slim."

He nodded, still numb from the betrayal that Natalie's words revealed.

"How far along are you?"

She took a deep breath. "Five months."

John stepped back, his hand never leaving Natalie's stomach as his eyes remained locked on hers.

"Were you ever gonna tell me?"

The tears began to fall freely as Natalie nodded. "I've been trying to find a way to tell you for the past two weeks. And even before then I knew that I was going to tell you eventually."

John could see in her eyes that she was telling the truth, but it didn't change the fact that she had kept this from him. And the fact that she had kept the secret even as he had thought that they were repairing their relationship…

It hurt too much to bear, and he dropped his hand from her stomach as he turned around. "I need some time to think," he whispered, closing his eyes as he heard her begin to sob harder.

He slowly walked into the house, and Natalie followed after a moment, her hand gently caressing her stomach as she wondered how much this news was going to change things for everyone involved.

TO BE CONTINUED


	24. Chapter 24

Part 24

Natalie stared down into her cup of coffee, deep in thought. It had been six hours since she had told John about the baby, and he had been in Shane's room ever since. She had gone to her room shortly afterwards, staying there all night and only venturing out for the cup of coffee she was now brooding over.

John made no noise entering the kitchen, but the way her shoulders tensed told him that she was all too aware of his presence.

The tension was thick as Natalie silently watched him pour a cup of coffee and sit down across from her. They sat in silence for a moment, and then John spoike.

"That had better be decaf," he said, gesturing toward her cup with a slight smile.

She smiled back weakly as she replied, "It is." And just as quickly as it had dissapated, the silence was back.

"I'm sorry."

It was once again John who had broken the silence, and Natalie felt hope flare in her stomach at his words. She forced herself not to show it as she asked carefully, "For what?"

He looked up, meeting her eyes. "For being an ass."

Natalie shook her head. "You weren't an ass. You were just confused and needed some time to think," she replied softly.

He acknowledged the truth of her statement with a nod and continued. "But I shouldn't have left you alone to deal with everything less than four hours after Shane..." He let his voice trail off at Natalie's wince, and he reached across the table to take her hand into his. He gave it a gentle squeeze as he went on.

"I won't lie and say that I'm not still angry that you didn't tell me... but mostly I'm just upset with myself for hurting you so much that you felt like you couldn't tell me."

Natalie shook her head. "John, I can't deny that you've hurt me but that wasn't why I didn't tell you."

"Then why, Natalie?" John's voice shook from his barely held back emotions as he looked up. "Why didn't you tell me? I think I understand why you didn't before these past two weeks, but why not then? I thought that we were starting to reconnect, that you trusted me again."

"I do trust you John! I never stopped," Natalie whispered, tears pouring down her cheeks. "I was afraid that you would be mad and upset and that it would ruin everything we were trying to rebuild."

John tightened his grip on her hand as he lifted it to his lips. "Natalie, I did a lot of thinking last night... I think that I can forgive you for this. At least, I know that I'm willing to try. But for right now, I think that we should focus solely on finding Shane. Then we can talk."

Natalie nodded. "I agree. Once we find Shane we'll clear the air."

One hour later, John left for the police station after promising to call Natalie immediately with any news.

There were guards posted around the house in case Jenkins should come back, but he still didn't feel right about leaving Natalie alone, yet at the same time he wanted to be hands-on in the search.

Natalie had assured him that she would be fine and that him being there with her would just make her worry more.

And so he had gone to join in the search, leaving Natalie at the house to try to find something to occupy herself with while she waited for news.

She had just begun to vacuum for the fourth time when she heard the phone ring. She quickly shut off the vacuum cleaner and ran the few feet to the phone. Taking a deep breath, Natalie answered. "Hello?"

"Natalie, my dear. It's been such a long time."

Natalie felt her heart stop. "Jenkins?" she gasped. "You bastard. Where the hell is my son?"

"He's right here with me, and you're going to be here soon too."

"Like hell I am," she spat.

"Well, it's either that or my son and I will be leaving the country."

She closed her eyes and swallowed hard as she thought quickly. Maybe she could call John—

"My men are right outside your front door. Are you going to allow them to escort you out or give up hope of ever finding our son?"

"I'm coming." Natalie hung up the phone and grabbed e pen. She scribbled a note for John, glancing over her shoulder as she signed her initial. Tossing the pen down, she took a deep breath and grabbed a scrunchie, pulling her hair up into a ponytail as she walked to the front door and opened it to reveal two tall, muscled men standing there.

"Take me to my son."

TO BE CONTINUED

**NOTE: There is some disturbing content in the next couple of chapters... You can choose to try to read them wholly, try to read them and skip some stuff, or just skip them altogether and I will include a brief note with chapter 28 with the very basics of what happened. Whatever you prefer!**


	25. Chapter 25

Part 25

**NOTE: There is some disturbing content in the next couple of chapters... You can choose to try to read them wholly, try to read them and skip some stuff, or just skip them altogether and I will include a brief note with chapter 28 with the very basics of what happened. Whatever you prefer!**

Natalie looked nervously around the room as Jenkin's 'men' walked her in.

"You can wait on the bed," one said gruffly, nodding towards it. "We'll be right outside the door." With that, both walked out of the door and closed it.

Turning, Natalie took in the bed. It was queen-size, covered with a red velvet comforter and matching pillows. It matched the rest of the room, which was small and had walls of the same color red.

She had just decided to sit on the floor when she heard the doorknob turn. Swallowing hard, she raised herself from her half-sitting position to face the door.

"Shane," Natalie breathed in horror as she saw Jenkins walk in carrying her son in his arms. A guard followed closely behind, a gun pointed straight at the sleeping boy's head.

Jenkins smiled at the terror in her voice. "We certainly created a beautiful child, didn't we Natalie? I would really hate for anything to happen to him." The threat was evident in his voice as he stared at her.

Natalie bit her lip in frustration. She had known from the moment she had walked into this room that something bad was happening, but she never would've dreamed that she would be in this situation.

"What do you want?" she finally choked out and Jenkins smiled cruelly. "That's more like it. I'm going to give Shane to my friend here so that he can take him to another room. 

One wrong move on your part during this conversation or the following… activities," he said, his gaze sliding up and down her body, "Will not end well for our son. Is that clear?"

She swallowed hard as she nodded and watched the guard slide his gun into the holster so that he could take Shane into his arms and out of the room. As soon as they had left Jenkins shut the door and locked it.

"Natalie?" John called out worriedly as he walked in the front door. He had known something was wrong when he'd called and nobody had answered, and the open front door did little to relieve his fears.

Walking through the living room, Natalie's hastily scribbled writing seemed to jump out at him from the pad beside the phone. John read through it quickly.

"Damn it, Natalie!" He grabbed the phone and dialed the station. "Bo, Jenkins has Natalie."

"What do you want from me?" Natalie asked, forcing her voice to remain steady despite her certainty of what it was that he wanted. Her suspicions were proven to be correct when he began to talk.

"You were so good, Natalie. I've had a lot of women in my time, but none of them affected me the way that you did, hell the way that you still do." He moved to stand beside her.

"I've dreamed about you so many times. I always wondered what it would be like to have you again… with no time restraints." His hand reached out and snaked around her waist, pulling her flush against his body. "I trust that you have no objections?"

Natalie could only stare at him in anger and, much to her chagrin, fear as he leaned down and took her mouth in an animal kiss.

She gagged as he forced her lips open, sliding his tongue inside. One hand moved to cup her breast through her blouse, squeezing it gently as he ran a thumb over her nipple. "God, Natalie," he groaned against her mouth, suddenly pulling back.

"Undress. Now," he demanded as he pulled his shirt off and quickly unbuttoned his pants, sliding them down around his ankles and kicking them off.

Natalie's eyes filled with tears as she watched him disrobe. "Undress," he said through gritted teeth, his tone making it clear that he wouldn't say it again.

Startled out of her numb stillness, Natalie's hands moved to the buttons of her blouse. She slowly undid the first button, hoping that somehow, some way, somebody would come along to save her.

As she continued unbuttoning her blouse and finally came to the last, she realized that she was going to have to get herself out of this. But as Jenkins came nearer, his hands brushing her skin as he pushed the blouse over her shoulders and to the floor, she wondered how she was going to do that.

TO BE CONTINUED


	26. Chapter 26

Part 26

**NOTE: There is some disturbing content in the next couple of chapters... You can choose to try to read them wholly, try to read them and skip some stuff, or just skip them altogether and I will include a brief note with chapter 28 with the very basics of what happened. Whatever you prefer!**

"Bo, its John. I'm at the old warehouse by the docks. I'm pretty sure that Shane and Natalie are here. Send me back up, but I'm going in."

He hung up without waiting for Bo's reply and looked at the building in front of him. The place was swarming with guards, but he refused to entertain any doubts—he had to get in there and save his family.

He had to.

"Natalie, Natalie. Do you know how sexy this little bump is?" Jenkins murmured, his hand gently caressing her rounded belly. Natalie closed her eyes and fought back the bile that raised in her throat, and she gagged as she felt his lips dance across her belly.

"Shh," Jenkins drawled, drawing back and standing up. He smiled at the sight of Natalie standing before him clad only in her bra and panties. He licked his lips and in a hoarse voice ordered, "Take your bra off."

Fighting back tears, Natalie numbly unhooked her bra. Just as she reached to pull it off, Jenkins shook his head.

"Allow me."

He moved closer, his hands brushing her skin as he slowly pulled the straps of her bra down her shoulders until he finally pulled it off completely, letting it drop to the floor. He slowly moved back, allowing himself to take in the sight of her.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered. "God, I can't wait to feel your warmth again."

He moved so that he was standing in front of her again, staring into her eyes as he hooked his thumbs through the sides of her panties. After a moment he finally broke the gaze, leaning to brush his lips across her neck.

Natalie nearly fainted when she saw John holding Shane just outside the door. She could see how badly he wanted to come in and save her, but the pleading in her eyes to get Shane away was desperate enough to propel him forward.

Her mind raced as she realized that her son was out of harm's way and she had to figure out a way to get out. She bit her lip as Jenkins slowly trailed his lips down to her collarbone.

Closing her eyes in a grimace, Natalie waited until his mouth reached her chest and then brought her knee up, catching him in the most effective place she could reach. She grinned in satisfaction as Jenkins groaned and fell to his knees in agony.

Wasting no time, Natalie quickly took off running. She had no more than reached the exit of the room when she ran into someone. Her eyes closed, she screamed and brought her fists up and began to pummel the broad chest fiercely.

"Natalie, Natalie, Natalie it's me!" John finally managed to catch her frantic wrists in his and began to rub them reassuringly. "It's John!"

Opening her eyes, Natalie gasped. "Oh my god, John!" She pulled her wrists from his grasp and threw her arms around his neck, clinging to him tightly as hot tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Shh, it's all right. I've got you," he whispered, kissing the top of her head gently.

"And Shane?" she asked, pulling back and searching his face. John suddenly seemed to notice that she was only half-dressed and quickly shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around her.

"Your uncle has him right outside. I had to come back in and get you—though it doesn't look like I was really needed," he said with a slight chuckle as he looked in the room to see Jenkins, still on his knees, being cuffed and read his rights.

"You're always needed," she whispered softly, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

Bo cleared his throat from behind them, smiling as Natalie and John broke apart looking as guilty as teenagers whose parents had just caught them. "Sorry to interrupt, but there's a certain someone who just woke up crying for his mom."

John smiled, lacing his fingers through Natalie's as they turned to follow Bo from the house.

TO BE CONTINUED


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note/Recap: **Just in case you took my warning about the last two chapters to heart... Jenkins took Natalie to an old abandoned warehouse, planning to rape her again (using Shane as leverage)... John found Natalie's note that she scribbled for him and with a "Damn it, Natalie!" took off to search for her and Shane. He rescued Shane and Nat saw him just in time to stop Thomas Jenkins; she beat him pretty good and freaked out on John for a moment before he was able to calm her down. They kissed and were caught by Bo who sent them to the hospital, which is where this chapter picks up.

Chapter 27

"How are they?" John asked as the doctor approached.

"Natalie and her son are both going to be fine. Normally we'd want to keep them overnight for observation, but in this case I think everyone can agree that going home is what's best for them."

John smiled. "Thank you. Can I see them?"

He nodded. "Of course. I just need to go finish up my report and then they can go."

Natalie was talking to Shane in a soothing tone and running her fingers through his hair when John walked into the room. Both smiled at him, Shane holding his arms out.

Grinning, John made his way over to that side of the bed and picked Shane up. "Hey, buddy. How are you doing?"

Shane shrugged, lying his head on John's shoulder.

"He hasn't said a word since we got here," Natalie spoke softly.

Frowning, John gently smoothed Shane's hair back. "Hey, talk to me," he said softly. "Are you scared?"

Shane nodded, not lifting his head from John's shoulder.

"Can you tell me what it is that you're scared of?"

"The bad man," he said in a small voice, causing Natalie to wince and John's jaw to tighten in anger.

"You're afraid that the bad man is going to get you again?" Shane nodded, tightening his grip around John's neck. "Well, I promise that you'll never have to see him again. Uncle Bo and I are going to put him back in jail and make sure that he stays there for a very long time."

Shane pulled back; looking at John with such trust in his small eyes so much like his mother's that it took his breath away. "Really?"

John nodded. "Really." He smiled when Shane grinned, the fear disappearing from his eyes.

"Sorry to interrupt the moment, but I think I left two patients in here who are ready to get home?"

"Oh god yes!" Natalie said, throwing her head back against the pillow in exaggerated relief, causing the three men in the room to laugh.

"God, I can't believe this," Natalie whispered. "He wasn't even missing a day, but I don't know how I'm ever going to let him out of my sight again."

John smiled gently, looking down at Shane who was fast asleep between the couple just sitting up watching him. "I know what you mean," he said softly, and he really did.

Natalie returned his smile, gently running her fingers through Shane's hair. "I know you do."

Watching her, John was struck powerfully by the realization that he could have lost her that very night. If a single thing had gone wrong...

"Hey, you okay?" Natalie asked softly, seeing the darkness seep into his eyes.

"Yeah," he replied softly, leaning up to touch her cheek. "But I think it's time for that talk I promised you."

She took a deep breath, her hand cupping her stomach as she nodded. She smiled slightly as she saw the way John's eyes were lingering on her stomach. Wordlessly, Natalie reached out and took his hand, placing it on her stomach and covering it with her own.

John moved his eyes up to meet Natalie's, and she was surprised by the tears she saw glimmering within them. "Wow," he whispered. " Is it always like this?"

"Always amazing? Yeah, it is," she replied.

"I know that we have a lot to talk about, but for tonight can I just ask you one question and leave it at that?"

Natalie nodded. "Of course."

"Are you willing to give me another chance?" He searched her eyes with his as he waited.

"John, before Jenkins came back into my life I would have said no without a second thought. But I've watched you with Shane, and all that I can think of is how amazing of a father you're going to be, and how much I want you to be in every part of this child's life, as well as Shane's and most of all mine."

"I don't deserve you," John whispered, leaning over Shane to take Natalie's mouth in a soft kiss. "But I'm sure as hell not ever letting you go again," he whispered against her lips.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

**  
**"In other news, Llanview, Pennsylvania is seeing some of their coldest weather in years. There is a severe blizzard warning in place for tonight, so make sure you stock up…"

Natalie, eyes closed tightly against the bright sunlight flooding the room, finally found the snooze button and sighed in relief as the radio alarm quieted. Smiling, she felt herself drift back off to sleep in John's arms.

It had been four months since she and Shane had been kidnapped. Jenkins was in a maximum-security prison, having been indicted on new charges and sentenced to life with no possibility of parole.

And she and John had never been happier.

"Did you hear what they were saying about the blizzard?" Natalie asked casually from the bathroom doorway, watching John pull his socks on.

"Yeah. Think it's a real possibility?"

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time."

"Well, I'll try to be home early just in case," he said, pulling on a shoe.

"Yeah, because you've been coming in so late these days," Natalie teased with a wink. It was true; John had taken in to coming home early ever since she had passed the nine-month mark in her pregnancy.

Smiling, she walked over to stand in front of him, gently caressing her swollen stomach. "But thank you. I'd feel a lot better knowing that there was someone in this house who could deliver this little one if it comes to that."

John smirked, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close so that he could kiss her belly. "You wouldn't be the only one who'd feel better."

Natalie wrapped her arms around John's neck, bending down to press a kiss to the top of his head. "I love you," she whispered, her voice muffled by his hair.

Just as John opened his mouth to reply a loud crash came from the other room, followed by Shane screaming, "I didn't do it!"

Natalie groaned as she reluctantly drew back. "Well, duty calls. I'll be right back." She leaned down to brush a gentle kiss across his lips before walking out of the room.

"Oh, thank god. I was getting worried," Natalie said, throwing her arms around John's neck and hugging him tightly, heedless of the cold weather.

He returned the embrace, pulling her as close to him as her stomach would allow as he walked them backwards so that he could shut the door. "I'm sorry. There were a lot of cops who couldn't make it in because of the weather, so I had to go out on some of the calls."

"Here," she said, pulling back as she realized that John's clothes were wet and sticky from the snow falling outside. Glancing down, she saw that it had soaked through to her own sweater during their embrace. "Let me go change shirts and you go sit by the fireplace to warm up."

John grinned. "Yes ma'am," he saluted her, and she grinned as she turned around and began to make her way up the stairs.

Walking into the living room, John's grin widened at the sight of Shane. He was lying on his stomach on the floor, concentrating intently on the picture he was coloring.

"Hey buddy, what are you coloring?" John asked, moving to sit in the floor beside him.

"Mommy asked me to color a picture for the baby's room," Shane replied, never taking his eyes off the picture. He made one final decisive scribble and then looked at John, smiling. "Wanna see?"

"I'd love to," he replied, smiling at Shane's enthusiasm.

Shane held up the coloring book proudly. "Will the baby like it?"

"Will the baby like it? The baby's going to love it. You did a good job son."

"Really Daddy?" Shane threw his arms around John's neck, the coloring book dangling from his hands. "I love you."

John returned the embrace, smiling as he blinked back tears. No matter how many times Shane called him 'Daddy', it never failed to send a rush of pure love shooting through him—or to remind him of just how lucky he was.

"I think that you should color a picture too," Shane said, pulling back from the embrace and settling back onto the floor.

"Yeah? I think you're right," John replied, lying down on his stomach beside his son.

Shane began to flip through the pages of his coloring book, intently searching for a perfect picture. "What do you think about this one?" he finally asked, sliding the book over to John.

He took in the picture with a grin—it was of a sleeping baby in a crib. The baby was obviously a girl when you took in the dolls surrounding her. "Well, I like it but what if we have a boy?" he asked.

"We won't," Shane replied confidently. "I asked the stork to bring me a new baby sister, and Mommy said he always comes through."

"Oh, she did huh?" John chuckled, wondering how Natalie would explain a boy if the need arose.

Nodding, Shane smiled. "So do you wanna color it?"

"I would love to." John reached for the crayons and went to work.

A few minutes later Natalie, wearing a black sweater with matching sweatpants peeked around the corner of the living room and smiled at the sight of her boys.

As she stood there, she brought her hand to her stomach and said a quick silent prayer of thanks before walking into the living room.

"What are my guys up to?" she asked.

"Coloring pictures for the baby," Shane replied. "I already got one done, but me and Daddy coloring more."

"Good, the baby needs a lot of pictures for his nursery."

"Oh, according to this guy we're definitely having a girl," John replied, nodding his head towards Shane as he continued to color.

"Oh we are?"

Shane nodded, finally putting down his crayon and turning to face her. "Uh-huh, we are."

"What gave you that idea baby?"

"Well, you told me the stork always comes through and I asked for a baby sister."

Natalie fought back the slight laugh bubbling up and just smiled. "Oh. Well baby, I really meant that he always comes through with the baby we were meant to have," she said carefully. "And if this baby is a boy you'll love him as much as you would a baby sister right?"

Shane wrinkled up his nose as he thought about it. "I don't know," he finally answered after a moment.

"Well, will you at least try?"

He thought for a moment more. "I guess," he said slowly. "But I won't have to, because we're having a girl," he finished matter-of-factly, turning back to his coloring as though the subject were closed.

Choosing not to say anything more, Natalie turned her attention to John. "So honey, having fun?"

"Yeah, actually. Want to join us?"

"As tempting as that sounds, I think I'm gonna go start dinner. Your child and I are getting pretty hungry."

John smiled, sitting up and turning around to press a kiss to her belly. "Is that so?"

Natalie laughed, ruffling his hair affectionately as she gently pulled away and began to walk to the kitchen. "We're famished. Meat loaf sound good to everyone?"

"Of course it does," John replied even as Shane began his protests. Natalie made her escape quickly after that, knowing that once the food was on the table her son would devour it as if it was his favorite food ever.

"Okay buddy, want to color until the food is done?"

Shane smiled, his protests immediately stopping as he turned back to his picture.

"John, wake up!" Natalie said urgently, shaking him even as her body was racked by another contraction. "Ow," she groaned, the sound doing what her shaking couldn't as John's eyes opened.

"What's wrong?" he asked, immediately reaching out and grabbing the gun on the bedside table.

"I think I'm in labor."

"What?" John asked numbly.

"I've been having pains since a little after you left—I thought they were the Braxton Hicks again so I didn't say anything."

John was out of bed by this point and pulling on his jeans. "So what are you waiting for? Get dressed!"

"Um, John? There's a blizzard outside and all the roads are closed remember?" Natalie asked, pointing to the window. She winced as she had another contraction, and suddenly her eyes widened.

"Honey," she said carefully, as he was already panicking, walking around the room as he muttered to himself about police training and how they didn't prepare you for the real thing.

"Yeah?" he asked, stopping short to look at her.

"My water just broke."

TO BE CONTINUED


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

**Author's Note: **Only one more chapter of this to go... Again, I just to apologize for how long I left you guys hanging (if I did LOL.)--I mostly posted this on the group and neglected this account! **  
**  
"Are you okay?" John asked worriedly as Natalie screamed into the pillow again. They were trying desperately not to wake Shane, but with her increasing volume Natalie knew that he'd be woken up soon—not to mention that it had been five long hours and it was now almost seven in the morning, his usual time to wake up.

"I'm fine," she gasped, trying to catch her breath and recover from the numbing pain.

"All right." John swallowed as he reluctantly returned to his position at the foot of the bed. "The contractions are coming closer together now, right?"

She answered him with a scream as another contraction hit. "Yeah that's about right" she groaned when it had finally passed.

"Okay, I need you to start pushing. Can you do that for me?"

Natalie nodded, impressed but not all that surprised with how quickly John's cop side had taken over—he'd been calm and collected for the last few hours. "I think so. Could you—" She gasped in pain as another contraction rolled over her.

"Daddy?" Shane's voice, scared and tearful, came from the doorway, where he stood in his pajamas rubbing his eyes. "What's wrong with Mommy? Why she crying?"

"Hey buddy." John quickly walked to the doorway and picked him up as Natalie smiled weakly and somewhat reassuringly at him. "Your mommy is fine, just feeling a little bit sick."

Shane studied him for a moment, and then looked at Natalie just as another contraction came and she couldn't hold back her scream. "Daddy, make it stop," he said, burying his face in John's neck at the sound.

"Don't worry baby, I'm going to. But I need your help, okay?" he asked in a soothing tone, rubbing small circles on Shane's back as his shoulders shook.

"Help with what?" He pulled back to look at John, tears forgotten.

"I need you to do something very important for me. The baby's room isn't decorated enough, and the stork is bringing her tonight."

Shane gasped, his eyes lighting up. "My baby sister's coming tonight?"

"Yeah, she is buddy. So what I need you to do is to go downstairs and color a lot more pictures for her room so that she'll have a lot of bright and pretty things to greet her when she gets here, okay?"

John set him down as he began to wriggle. "Okay, Daddy!" He took off down the hallway and Natalie smiled.

"You're so great with him. You're a wonderful father, John."

"I learned from the best," he said quietly.

Two hours later Shane was sitting at the kitchen table, coloring books spread across it with his crayons in front of him. He had gone upstairs a few times only to be sent back downstairs by John, so he knew the stork must be close and didn't want to be seen.

Selecting a pink, he began to sing as he colored. His song was interrupted a few moments later when he heard a baby's shrill cries, followed a few minutes later by John calling his name from upstairs. He dropped his crayon and raced to the stairs, climbing them as quickly as possible to reach the top.

His pace slowed considerably when he reached the room and saw the small figure swaddled in blankets Natalie held in her arms, carefully placed pillows propping her up. Then she smiled at him and his fear was forgotten as he walked to the bed.

"Shane sweetie, it looks like the stork listened to you," Natalie said, carefully shifting the baby so that her son could see his baby sister's wrinkled face. She had calmed down after John had cleaned her and wrapped her up.

"What do you think of your baby sister?" Natalie asked quietly after a moment, smiling at the awed expression on Shane's face.

"She's little," he whispered. "Is she sleeping?"

"No, she's just too tired to open her eyes right now, but she's awake." As if to prove her right the baby yawned, her entire face scrunching up.

"What's her name?"

"We haven't talked about that yet. Hey, would you like to name her?"

John smiled as he watched the scene unfold from his place on the opposite side of the bed as Shane. "I think that'd be a great idea."

"Okay," Shane said uncertainly.

"Just think hard about it—I know you'll come up with a good name for her."

"Can I go color while I think?"

"Of course you can." Natalie smiled as she watched Shane run from the room.

"That was beautiful."

"Not a drop of sibling rivalry to be seen—not yet, anyway," she replied with a laugh.

"No, I have a feeling Shane is going to love having a little sister. When he comes back think we ought to let him hold her?"

She nodded. "Hey, speaking of holding her—you want to?"

John smiled and nodded, reaching out to lift his daughter from Natalie's arms. As he stared down at her, he was overcome with emotion—not the fear he had expected for the last few months, just love, joy, peace and the sense of finally having found what he'd been searching for.

Natalie smiled, quietly watching from the bed as John fell in love.

"Your daughter's test results are in, and she is a perfectly healthy baby girl. Congratulations," the smiling doctor announced.

Natalie smiled brilliantly from her position in the hospital bed, and John squeezed her hand. They had dropped Shane off with Viki on their way to the hospital to get Natalie and the baby—for whom Shane had chosen the name Sarah—checked out.

"You did a good job with the delivery, Mr. McBain. You should be proud," Nancy said with a smile. "Had you not have been there, it is doubtful things would have turned out this well."

John shrugged self-consciously. "I just did what I had to do," he replied honestly.

"And did it very well at that." Her eyes twinkled and she quickly changed the subject before John became too embarrassed. "The nurse will bring Sarah by in a moment, you can take her and Natalie home tomorrow evening if everything continues to improve," she finished, turning towards the door.

No sooner had she left than the door opened and a nurse walked in, smiling as she wheeled Sarah's tiny bed in. Natalie thanked her and she waved it off. "It's a pleasure to take care of such a beautiful little one. You and your husband are very lucky."

John opened his mouth to reply but Natalie beat him to it. "Yeah, we are," she said softly, smiling at him.

TO BE CONTINUED


	30. Chapter 30 The End

Chapter 30

**A/N: **I am posting this with my original author's notes but would like to add onto it. First of all, this story is one of the most difficult that I've ever written and it could not have been written without the support of all the ladies of the JohnandNatalieFanfictionGroup, especially the two named below. That being said, this story was also fun to write because it was such a challenge. And I will always be so proud of myself for finishing it despite the many frustrations and times I wanted to quit on it. Thank you ladies for keeping me going!

**Original A/Ns: **So... Here it is. The last chapter of this fic that has been going for lord only knows how long. Is it just me who finds it kind of cool that I finished it just 4 days before my one-year anniversary of getting hooked on Jolie? (August 11th, the scenes of the pit flashbacks lol--looked it up on KS last weekend.)

This has been one hell of a ride, thanks to all who stuck with me from the start and those who joined up along the way. (Okay, this is getting lame lol. I should sleep...)

Enjoy!!!

**Disclaimer:** I own all the kids you don't recognize from the show!

**Author's Note:** Jessica's little girl was named for this particularly difficult but adorable little girl I saw on last night's "Supernanny". I could so see her as Jessica's spawn lol.

**Dedication:** I've said before that this series is dedicated to Becki for being its most enthusiastic cheerleader, but I'd also like to dedicate it to Dana for exactly the same reason! Neither of you would let me give up on this when I wanted to, so thanks!!

**  
**"Come on baby, let's get your hat on." Natalie knelt in front of Shane and somehow managed to get the party hat to sit on the top of his head while pulling the string under his chin as he wriggled impatiently.

"Mommy hurry, Nick and Jack are here!" he said, talking about his twin cousins, Kevin's three-year old sons.

"Okay there, now go have fun," she said, laughing as he took off across the yard.

"Hey there, sis! Where's the birthday girl?"

"Jess!" Natalie threw her arms around her twin and they embraced. "Princess Sarah is in the bathroom with her daddy getting cleaned up. Where's my brother-in-law and my niece?" She demanded, looking around for her sister's husband Nash Brennan.

"I think they got surrounded by Grandpa and the other men back there—you know how they are about Chantal," Jessica replied, shaking her head.

Natalie grinned. "Yeah, they're almost the same way about Sarah. I think that's why John still has her in the bathroom—he knows that once he brings her out here he won't see her again until after the party's over."

"Hey gorgeous, sorry we fell behind," Nash said, pressing a kiss to Jessica's cheek. "Hey, Natalie, where's the princess?"

"Hand over my niece and I'll tell you," she replied with a laugh. Grinning, Nash handed her the nine-month old Chantal, who grinned up at her aunt and grabbed a fistful of her auburn hair.

"Sarah's in the bathroom with John," Jessica told Nash with a grin, seeing that Natalie was lost in Chantal as usual.

"Ah, I see. Daddy's scared to bring her out here right away, is he?"

"I don't think that's it, I think he's just trying to spend as much time as possible with her before bringing her out and not seeing her again for a while," Natalie replied, making faces at Chantal who giggled and tugged on the fistful of hair she still held.

"Oh, here they come now," Jessica said, nodding towards the house behind Natalie.

Natalie turned and smiled to see her husband of seven months walking out of the house carrying their daughter. He certainly had done a good job of getting her ready—her pink dress that complemented her fair skin so well was without wrinkle, her brunette hair was in adorable pigtails and she wore a silver crown atop her head that she kept reaching for, trying to pull it off.

Smiling, Natalie kissed Chantal's forehead and gently untangled her hair from around the baby's finger before handing her to Jessica. She walked over to John, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. "She looks beautiful," she whispered, kissing Sarah's cheek.

He grinned. "Thanks. How long you think we have before the vultures descend?" he asked jokingly, nodding towards the Buchanan men who already had their eye on the baby.

"Not very long, I'd say," she laughed, watching as Bo started their way.

"Hey, there's the birthday girl!" He grinned. "Can I steal the princess for a while?"

"Of course you can," Natalie replied, kissing her uncle's cheek. "Just make sure you all get her back to us in time for cake."

"No promises," he joked with a wink, taking Sarah from John's arms and returning to the group.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Sarah, happy birthday to you," the large crowd of friends and family sang as Sarah, blue eyes wide with excitement and curiosity looked around. When the song finished, Natalie checked to make sure John was running the video camera before she smilingly placed the small chocolate cake in front of her daughter who was now attired in only a diaper.

"If you don't want to get messy, may I suggest you step back now," John called out as Sarah reached out and experimentally slapped the cake with her hand. A grin crossed her face when everyone just smiled, and she giggled loudly as she sank both hands into it, pulling out two large chunks and stuffing them into her mouth.

John watched through the viewfinder, chuckling as Natalie got hit by a few pieces of cake and screamed playfully. Shane was to Sarah's right, laughing and urging her to put her face into the cake.

Natalie looked over at him and smiled brilliantly, her blue eyes meeting his as she got caught up in the magic of this moment. Just four years ago, she had been convinced that John McBain was nothing more than a waste of time. Then so many things had happened…

But she had dealt with them all and moved on. She couldn't help thinking that although everyone said problems were how you define yourself maybe that wasn't true after all.

Maybe, just maybe, how you were able to deal with problems was the true test.

Just then Shane succeeded in getting Sarah to bury her face in the cake, and the roar of laughter from all sides succeeded in wiping all serious thought from her mind.

FIN!!!!


End file.
